Bar 53 - Also the average IQ of its patrons...

Since Friday was my last official free (week)day before I start my new job, I felt it was important to get out and make the most of it... well, that was the plan, and I pretty much kept to it.

I got the train to the city, wandered aimlessly, people watching and window shopping, dreaming of all the things I will be able to buy soon... :o)

Messaged Dean - attempt number 5 to meet up for a coffee/drink/chat - and we arranged a 4.30 rendezvous. Bugger... it's only 11.30, what the hell am I going to do in the city for 5 hours... Coffee, more people watching, then it was off to the movies.

People often say that it's weird going to the movies alone... and I never used to do it, but I am actually doing it quite frequently now, and I am really enjoying it. Something about choosing the movie for yourself, choosing the time for yourself, no compromising. It was nice to just go in, relax and enjoy the movie - alone. Certainly nothing wrong with doing it alone, I can happily vouch for that. Might think differently on doing it Friday night, Saturday or Sunday... standard mates and dates times... then I would have looked like a loser. But weekday daytimes is just fine! :o)
Anyway, saw Hot Fuzz. New Brit movie from the makers of Shawn of the Dead. It was great. A bit graphic, but expected I guess. The humour wasn't stock standard Brit stuff, and wasn't 'roll in the aisles' style either, just subtle things and witty quips that made you giggle...

So after the movie, wandered up to Hairy Canary on Little Collins, to meet Dean. 4.15, sitting in Hairy, nervous and sweating... the guy still does it to me... so I'm sitting there, downing a quick beer to help relax me when Sarina pops up "hey babe! oh god, are you ok?" "Yeah, I'm meeting Dean here at 4.30" "Oh hun... don't stress ok? anyway, you look HOT..." ha ha ha... well, it helped relax me anyway...

Dean arrived. It was the first time I had seen him since we broke up - over 3 months. Dressed all in black (Standard AG attire), shirt open to halfway down his chest, his silver cross resting in the crease between his pecs. His perfect smile and those eyes that you could just get completely lost in - even now, he still takes my breath away.
So we ordered a couple of beers and did a full catch up on everything and everyone. Work, family, friends... The time went too fast. Next thing I know, he had to go back to work. Walked him out in Little Collins St, a quick hug, cya. God, it was great to see him.

Bumped into Sarina on the way back to the mall, she was out on break, looking for Havianas for her boyfriend. "So????? Is everything good? Did you guys work it out?" We wandered around a bit, promised to hook up for my birthday in a couple of weeks.

Heading home on the train, Ange calls and begs me to go with her to her friend Emily's birthday at Bar 53. You might recall Bar 53 as the place I went with her to last time... nasty pool hall place... Back then I didn't know the name of it, but now I do. The whole night was OK... Yep, just OK... Met lots of Ange's friends, who were mostly quite nice... I remained relatively sober, so it was funny watching them all totally wasted, behaving like fuckwits... I wonder if thats how I look when I'm trashed... hmmm... Went back to Ange's about 12.30 and fell asleep on the couch watching Legally Blonde.

"Whoever said orange was the new pink was seriously disturbed."

Woke up this morning, pissing down rain, cold, miserable... I had to meet Dom in South Yarra at 10 for a little flat hunting again... really was more of a lay under doona and watch tv kinda day... but I dragged myself out.
By the time I got in there, it was sunny and nice... typical fucking Melbourne weather. I am going to have to start taking a sweater, jacket, umbrella and sunglasses everywhere I go... So met Dom, coffee, attempts to organise viewing times, gave up... more coffee, chat, wander, window shopping. We end up heading to the city, it was off and on warm, cold, raining, blaaah... didn't want to be out in it anymore. Movie. The Host. Odd, but fun. Ending was a bit bizarre, but the monster was brilliant.

After the movie, a glass of Pinot at Ca de Vin off Bourke St mall, then another at Gin Palace off Little Collins. Home time...

I'm Speechless...

This video was released by a "Christian" group protesting the UK's new anti-discrimination laws which will require homosexuality to be included in sex education classes across the UK. The law (Sexual Orientation Regulation) has already been passed by parliament (310 to 100), and is being voted on in the Upper House today.

I mean honestly... are people really stupid enough to believe that this is how it will be? It really is sad what lengths people will go to in their attempts to spread hatred. Christians... hah.

Eyecandy

OK, OK... Sometimes, I just can't help it...

Yay!

Got a confirmed start date for my new job - next Monday, March 26. Yay!

What smells like fish and rhymes with 'Punt'...

Caught up with Woz on Saturday.

Hadn't seen him in a few weeks... picked me up at Flinders Street Station and we went to Port Melbourne for fish & chips at Rex Hunt's D'lish Fish. It was nice... and odd. The place, not Woz :o) It was odd because it looked like a fish & chip shop, smelled like a fish & chip shop - but had something of a McDonald's feel about it. Lots of molded plastic, sterile, even the newspaper to wrap the meals was like a faux-newspaper with Rex Hunt stuff all over it. Mind you, the food was pretty good - and she gave us one bonus calamari ring... ha ha ha... yeah... :o) So we sat outside in the sun (and icy breeze!), fed the seagulls, and watched a fighter jet doing funky maneuvers over Albert Park - entertainment for the Grand Prix crowd, no doubt.

After lunch and a trip to Chapel Street to buy Woz' beefin-up protein shake ingredients, I jumped on the train and headed home.

On the way, I find out my mum is out for the day/evening with friends, and my sister is having people over for a BBQ. Hmmm... choices... Do I go home, hang out alone, drink and sit online all night? Or do I at least make the effort to do something social. Well cos it's my sis, I say OK.

BBQ was with Ange (sis), her BF Craig, Jeremy (tall sexy country boy visiting Ange), and a few others. I ended up crashing about midnight, in front of the TV watching Ice Age. Everyone else stayed up playing poker until 3am. I again slept on the couch, a small two seater, which i am getting good at sleeping on... only takes two sessions at a chiropractor to put my back right.

9am and I have to find a way to get home. Call mum - they got home at 2.30am, she is horribly hung over, and still in bed... lift to the train station with Craig. OK, thats step one. I can get a bus home from the station. Great. Sit at the bus stop, 9.30... 10.00... 10.15... no bus... old man walks past and says "Buses run more frequently from Epping. Get the train to Epping and catch it from there." So me gets on the train to Epping (just one stop), flirts briefly with a moderately cute blondie who is struggling to get home, just like me... looks like he is still off his nut, so best be leaving that one alone.

Sitting at the bus stop at Epping... 10.30... 11.00... 11.30... fuck! Where the fuck are the goddamn buses! It has taken me 2 1/2 hours and I am still no closer to home! All I want is to get home, have a shower and crash on the couch....

Call mum again - this time she can come and get me...
Did it even occur to anyone that it's been over 2 hours and I still wasn't home???
Aiya...

You know, I was thinking... I am always saying how I am not getting in much social activity being trapped out here... but I always seem to be blogging about social activities... maybe it isn't as bad as I make it out to be...
Nah, it is... one social activity a week, and even then it is always marred with public transport fiascos... :o) City living here I come!

1, 2 or a dozen....

So another 'just 1 or 2' ends up another 'too trashed to talk'. Thursday met up with Dom for a drink at St.J's, it was cool, and drizzling. Not the best for an outdoor type place, but it was still fun. After a few there, it was time to go exploring again.

Dom took me to The Croft Institute on Croft Lane, just off Little Bourke in China Town. The place was pretty amazing - set up like a science lab, complete with the funky benches and taps I remember from High School :o)

After The Croft, it was on to Double Happiness - and yes, by the name you can tell we were still in China Town... An Asian themed seductive little bar, with an equally seductive cocktail list - try the lychee martini and the espresso martini... phwoar... I could have drunk them all night...

Jane came and met us there, but by that stage we were already 'well on the way' - so add Jane to the mix, and it got rowdier, dirtier, and I am suprised we didn't get asked to leave... :o)

Staggered out of there (I don't actually recall leaving!), Dom headed home, and I - being in the city after dark - had no where to go, so again it was crash at Jane's place.

Friday morning I had to help mum with the grocery shopping... oh my God... Not only was the train trip back to Epping horrid, there was a further 2 hours of wandering around pushing grocery trolleys... After a big night of drinking, and very little sleep, I finally got home to crash about 3pm. The longest day ever... :o)

Eyecandy : Ginch Gonch

If you don't know this underwear brand, come here and I will slap you.

Hot underwear, and now, even hotter spokesbods. They have recently launched their new 'Ginch Gonch Boys'... They are supposed to be traveling the world promoting the brand ... I would like to give them a big, warm, um... welcome to Melbourne...

The pic below links to a 1024 wallpaper. The website has more of them...

I swear I am so moist I am stuck to my chair...

Blue Arsed Fly...

So yesterday was crazy...

I needed to take my Probity forms into my agency at 3pm, but needed to change my license over since I needed photo ID as well as something with my current address.
For those who don't know, Probity is this whole investigation banks do to make sure you are good enough to work there. Not just references, but a Federal Police check, ASIC check, Bankruptcy check, plus full background check going back 10 years! I had to list every address for 10 years, including the ones in HK which I couldn't quite remember...

Got up at 6am, so I could get a lift to the city with my mum. It really is worth sitting through 45 minutes of constant babble to save on the 1 1/2 hours of bus and train alternative! Well, she's not really that bad... I tend to not hear half of it anyway - cos she's on my right side...

So anyway, left mum at Victoria Gardens and hopped a tram to the city - first stop, VicRoads on Lygon Street. Since I didn't have change, I fare evaded... Certainly gets your adrenaline pumping first thing in the morning... :o) Scariest part was, I got off the tram at La Trobe Street - and the ticket dudes got on! Close call... shook me enough to swear not to do it again... today.

Stopped twice on the way up Lygon Street - seduced by the aroma of fresh coffee, made properly. Made it to VicRoads to be confronted by the oh so expected queue. I took a number, 154. I look at the number on the sign... 96. Oh God...

40 minutes and it's finally my turn. "I'm sorry sir, you need to make an appointment if you want to transfer an interstate license. Our next available slot is March 19th. At Greensbrough"

NOOOOOOOOOO.....!!!! Not only is that too late - but Greensbrough is a hole (a bigger one than Mill Park) AND after the 40 minute bus trip, you still have to walk 25 minutes to get to the VicRoads office! I needed the ID same day - to be submitted with the damn Probity forms.

I was going to have ot tell my agency that I can't finalise until next week... that was bad, since probity takes a week, and they want me to start ASAP afterwards. Will call after 2 when she is in the office. Until then, it's barely 10am and I have 6 hours until mum finishes work. Oh I didn't mention, I had left my house keys at home, so there was no going home early.

What to do...

Tight Arse Tuesday at the movies - Ghost Rider it is! Not a big Nick Cage fan, but no doubt it was gonna be fun. Funny going to a day time movie when it's not school holidays... I was sitting right in the middle half way up the back section. Sharing the cinema with me were 7 other people. Scattered throughout, but still not far enough away. An old dude who breathed heavily, a young guy looking around suspiciously like he sneaked in and was paranoid he would get caught, 3 school aged kids who were probably thinking this movie counts as 4th period Geography (since they could spend 2 hours spotting the many Melbourne landmarks in the movie), and a Japanese couple 4 rows behind me... with the sounds coming from that direction, I didn't really want to know what they were there for...

Just want to share a gripe with everyone - talking during a movie. One of my biggest pet peeves EVER. Why do people feel the need to talk to each other while a movie is on? Do they think they are the only people in the cinema? Do they think that whispering is okay, even though it is so loud people can hear the 'whispering' 7 rows away? What makes it worse, is that no matter how many people are in the cinema - 200 or 2 - there will still be a talker! I have told people to shut up many a time - and I certainly wasn't going to let this one slide... "You want to take your discussion outside?" In my roughest, deepest voice. Ha, ha, ha... works every time.

So anyway, movie was great - silly, but still a lot of fun. Left the cinema, grabbed a bite to eat, called my agency. "Just get a statement from your bank! Change your address and request an interim statement..." I wish they had told me that before - would have saved a lot of trouble.

Collins St branch - 1 million people in queue. Waited for 15 minutes hoping it would move quickly. Nope. Moved only 1 metre.

Swanston St branch - 1.5 million people in queue. Waited 15 minutes there... nope. As I was leaving, I noticed almost everyone had passports in their hands... odd.

Then it was a hunt for an internet cafe so I could look up locations for other branches. Across the road - full. Next one - full. Bloody Hell. By this stage I was hot, pissed off and tired. Ended up the other side of the CBD in Queen Street, found another ANZ branch! Woo hoo! And there were only 20 or so people in it! Woo hoo! Not sure whether I should go to a teller or the the service desk, I am standing in the middle of the floor, enjoying the air conditioning, when a lady comes over. She must have thought there was something wrong, as I was sweating profusely, red, breathing heavy and the veins on the sides of my head bulging to the point where they could burst. "I can help you sir!" and directs me to her office...

Turns out she was the branch manager, and she helped me with everything I needed, nice lady she was... :o)

Got my forms to the agency, and headed home, totally exhausted. Happy everything is in, so the countdown begins. Should be starting within the next week or so.

Oh, and I haven't forgotten... still have my VicRoads appointment at Greensbrough next Monday... watch this space...

Oh almost forgot - the Passports at the bank thing... turns out Tuesday was International Student Day. They all got off the planes on the weekend, and were there getting their bank accounts opened. Irrelevant overall, but the reason for the queues. :o)

Cyn

I found a great collage of Cyndi pics set to a song that I posted lyrics to last month. It's called 'Someone Like Me'. (Created and posted on YouTube by WZevonFan)

Many people probably won't want to sit through the whole 4 minutes, but I know there are a handful that will :o)

Funny...

OK, I debated as to whether I should post this, but it's as funny as... but don't worry, I am sure there are some Aussies that are just as stupid!

Back on track baby....

It's all coming together...

First, a quick backtrack to cover off on what some won't know. I sold my share of LNM in January . My then business partner, called me up just days after 'the breakup' and told me he had been offered a big paying opportunity with one of our competitors - conditions apply* He said he was going to take it - and that under the conditions, I had no choice but to sell him my share of the business. I acceded. At the time, so much shit was going on in the heart department that I pretty much lost interest in everything around me anyway.

So after that, I kinda just lost direction. Went out occasionally, got trashed, had fun, met new people - but still underneath I was bored, lost, lonely. I wasn't interested in finding a job yet, since I was getting the proceeds from the sale of my business - and that would give me a while to move, settle down, and then decide what I wanted to do with myself. Well, proceeds still have not arrived...* :o)

But anyway, I realised that my problem was a combination of things - living in Hell's Corner, having no money, not being able to get out and do stuff.

But all that is about to change.

Got a phone call on Friday morning from an agency who had gotten my CV from Seek. I was 'perfect' for this job... So went in to have a chat, find out about the role etc etc. Turns out, the job is with a direct competitor of my previous employer (SSAL). They had seen my CV, knew I had been working for SSAL for years and years, and they HAD to have me. Second chat that morning was with them - NAB. It wasn't even an interview... ended up being a 20 minute chat. Got the call back Friday afternoon from my agent. "Oh my God... they LOVED you! They are so excited... yadda, yadda, yadda..."

So - in 2 weeks, I will be back into a relationship management role at another bank - probably dealing with the same clients I had at SSAL - and all for a shit load more money and better conditions! Ha!

I'm not abandoning my ideals of working for myself... but for now, this is the way for me to get my life back on track.

Job = Money = Life

My time really does start now.

* Can't say too much! If I make any comments on this, I could get into trouble, so best leave it alone!!!

Mhmm, we all knew anyway...

"In what is being touted as an "accidental" outing, it was revealed this week on Sydney radio that former Australian Idol runner-up Anthony Callea, is gay."

How would you like your meat?

Went to a BBQ at Adams place on Monday. Adam lives in the eastern suburb version of my own "Hell's Corner".. Cranbourne. Its over an hour on the train from the city... but from my place, it's 2 hours 40 minutes.... Walk to bus, bus to train station, wait for connecting train, train to Flinder's Street, wait for connecting train, train to Cranbourne. I have only 15 songs in my PDA, and I listened to them all 3 times over... If I ever hear Jessica Simpson's "A Public Affair" again, I will curl up in a ball and cry... No Idea why I had that song on there in the first place...

So the trip was quite pleasant until the train arrived at Dandenong... from then on it was scary. School kids piling onto the train... the guys were hot (generally speaking), but it was the girls that scared the hell out of me. Seriously.
I have never seen so much acid being spat from a group of 'ladies' in my life - and we're talking drag queens and drug fucked party fags too... the language coming out of them would make even the members of the Dubbo Lesbian Guild blush...

So anyway, finally made it to Cranbourne. Ad's picked me up from the station and did the whole 2 blocks to his house. That may very well have been for security purposes... who knows... :o)

So over a drink or two (I had Bundy and cokes!), we prepared food for the BBQ. 6.30, Ad's friends arrive - had been advised that these girl's were known as his 'wife' and 'girlfriend'... not really sure if that is just a pet name thing going on, or whether he utilises their services for social gatherings... but somehow I don't think Ad's could have a lady in arm and still come out the man... :o) (Love ya Ad's...mwah!)

So the girls were great. Really funny. Standing around the BBQ, we drank, gossed, talked about weird-arse quirky things we do - and I was please to find that I am not the only person who colour matches clothes pegs when hanging out the washing! Yay! Next was the comparing of scars... I am not sure how we got into that, and although there were some doozies, I certainly won that one ;o)

So after dinner, and feeling rather lubricated, we settled into the living room for... Cluedo! Well, new Cluedo DVD. It was pretty weird, and after half an hour working out how to play, then two false starts, we managed to get an hour in before.... DVD froze. Bugger that. Pack it up. It's over.








Once the girls had left, took my beer to bed, started watching Scary Movie, and crashed (Of course I finished my beer first!).

The next morning... it was the long trip home again... sigh...

Ah well... Good times...

Melbourne is the place for it...

Something that I am totally loving about Melbourne is the abundance of amazing places to go for coffee, drinks, cocktails, dinner etc. It's just great being able to organise a catch up with a friend or two and just working our way around a half dozen bars or cafes and just checking them out, having a coffee or drink, absorbing the surroundings. Could never get tired of it. Melbourne is definitely the place for it.

Sunday I Met Dom at rednine cafe on Degraves St for a coffee. Great cafe, great coffee. Sunday afternoons sees live music as well.
Next stop, Kitten Club on Flinders Lane. The staff were really really friendly. We rocked up 20 minutes before they opened, and they were still very accomodating... we ordered amazing cocktails and chatted away with the staff. Good fun.
Dom is funny... he gets that typical asian blush across his face when he is drinking... its pretty funny :o)

We decided our next port of call would be Greville Street Prahran - THE place I want to live :o) This has to be my favourite street in Melbourne. Hot cafe's, hotter bars, great places to shop, just off Chapel street and Prahran Station is only 3 stops from Flinders Street...

Turns out Dom could handle it there too... so we talked a lot about flat hunting together...

So we hung out at Candy Bar. A cafe/bar during the day which evolves into a sexy bar/club at night. Great place, really friendly bar chick, great mix of people, funky music. Great atmosphere.

I went here last year with Dean - we sat outside in the courtyard with a bottle of wine, then inside for a while absorbing the surroundings.

Dom and I stuck to a table right at the front in the window to ensure we got the best of both views - the people inside and the perve-fest of the passers by :o)

Dinner was at Kagu Ra Zaka on Toorak Road. The food here is amazing - among the best Japanese places I have been to.

Headed home about 8.30... cruised by a seriously cute asian boy on the train. He was with a friend, so his looks were kept very discrete... made the whole thing all the more exciting :o) Got out at Epping Station as well, but he disappeared with his friend, head down and as quick as possible... obviously was worried I was going to say something, or his friend was gonna catch him... ha ha ha. Oh well, it wouldn't have happened anyway, since having my mum at the station to pick me up (in her pyjama's too) would have put a dampener on the whole thing... :o)

Eyecandy

Why have I never picked up a hitch hiker like this??? Makes me wanna buy a car and start driving around the country....

Sam, Seafood, Sand, Skinny Dipping and Simon

Thursday I went into the city. Quick meeting with an agency, then off to catch up with Jane. Jane is the chick I met at Opium Den a little while ago.

So met up at The Lounge on Swanston St. She brought the hottest boy with her. His name was Fotios... very young, very cute. Unfortunately, he was shortly heading home to his boyfriend... whose name, by the way, is Xavier... Fotios and Xavier... the names alone are enough to make my box twitch.

So anyway, hung there for a bit, then popped across the road to Cookie.

By this stage we were well lubricated, and decided to wander over to my absolute favourite - yep, St. Jerome's... She LOVED it. As you would expect. :o) Jane's flatmate Jane (uhuh) arrived to meet Jane for dinner, and even though I promised myself to go home and not get trashed... I decided to tag along :op

PLAN : tram it to St Kilda, and meet friend Sam at her house. Then go do dinner at a place near her home.

So, we did the tram to St Kilda. Sam said her place was "Just near the Espy". After walking the full length of Acland St (we took the wrong tram!) we made it to the Espy, called Sam... "No! NEAR the Espy! Walk back about 20 minutes, left, then right, then second right, third left and go straight ahead about 15 minutes"

Or something along those lines... Either way, it was a cab from there. Glad we did cos it turned out to be nowhere near where we originally thought...

Get to Sam's house. She is already obviously just as trashed as we were... good, all playing on the same field.

We walk in to Port Melbourne, and decide on Belucci's.

I think we were the only people there... but since we were all trashed, it really didn't matter.

Dinner was amazing. The best Linguini Marinara ever... Amazing food, amazing service. It was great. Get the chance, check it out.

So after dinner (and a lot of laughs at Sam, who was great, but was a lot lower in the food chain than her sexy attitude - and hot black Scanlon dress - would suggest...) we headed to... the Espy.

Dark, dirty, thrasher metal band playing live... the place was grungy, but fucking hot. Loved it.

We met up with Janes friend Simon, he was hot. Very straight, and very hot. Hung out, drank alot, flirted (surprisingly respondent!), danced to the nasty dirty thrasher band... it was very cool. Good times...

We left there and decided... it was swimming time!!!! Woo Hoo!!!

So we ran over to St Kilda Beach, stripped off and did the mad dash into the water. Noice... The water was amazing, cool, somewhat...wet... and... eeuuwww, seaweed...
After a seaweed fight, the girls got out. Obviously couldn't compete against the aggression and competitiveness of two guys... hahahah. So it was just me and Simon left in the water... what to do, what to do... wrestle!! So there I was, drunk, naked and wrestling a hot straight, equally drunk and equally naked, guy... hands, arms, legs everywhere... OH MY GOD... This is what gay wet dreams are made of, baby!

Dickhead doof doofs arrived in their cars, parked facing the water and started flashing their headlights... time to go... so we got dressed and hailed a cab.
The cab ride was hilarious. Simon sat in the front, I was in the back, in between the two girls. Arms around each, teasing the cab driver with our dirty, sexy carry-ons... Made out that both girls were mine - was taking them both home! Just to see the reaction. Hilarious. :o)

Got back to Jane and Janes, sat around, drinking nasty cask red... no matter how many times I asked Simon if he wanted to share a shower to get all that seaweed,salt and sand off, he declined... bastard. What a tease :o)

Good times...

Oh BTW - It's Mardi Gras tonight... and I'm not there... I hope everyone is having a great time.

Have fun, be safe. Wish I was there... XXXXX

Mardi Gras Ticket For Sale...

Since I'm not coming up to Sydney for MG...

ANYONE WANT TO BUY MY TICKET????

$110 (That's $20 off!) And I will express post it, so will be in Sydney by Friday...

Email me if you can help me out!

Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!!!!!

Eyecandy

Going for a plop...

You know... I have just a handful of friends that I love unconditionally. The ones that no matter what happens, they are always there, and I'm always there. The ones that when they stand in front of me, I feel warm. When they say something, they make me smile (Hence, the subject...). Just being my friend makes me feel special.

Thank you... I love you more than life itself. You know who you are...

Help...

So you might recall the entries from Christmas where there were people staying in the house... you know.. the LOUD ones... (D&D) well, they are here again. They arrived at 4.30pm today. I knew they had arrived because I could hear them get out of their car. They parked THREE HOUSES AWAY!!!

So now, I am sitting here at the PC, in the same room as D, D, my mum and Russell... it's only been 30 minutes and I am already crawling up the walls...

Thank God I am heading to Ads house tomorrow lunch time for a BBQ and piss up. By the time I get back on Sunday evening, they will be gone...

Just please keep me in your thoughts while you are all enjoying your Friday night... I will be here. Blocking my ears. Curled up in the corner, shaking uncontrollably.

Do it...

For my 100th post ...

I really think that I should say something inspiring, meaningful, definitive, provocative, stimulating...

Or I could just have a drink...

Cheers...

What's Someone Like Me...

Midnight falls on the snow-lit trees
And as I stand inside I know that I
Can't watch life through a window
My indecision is blocking the door
It's like a religion
That I never ask for more
I might stumble and fall

What's someone like me,
Doing in a life like this?
Slipping back into the past

Sun comes up and streams
Through the blinds
And as I throw my clothes on
Do my hair wrong,
Stare into my mirror
Telling myself that everyone falls
Take the first step
That's the trick of it all
Bounce back like a ball

What's someone like me
Doing in a life like this ?...

- Cyndi Lauper

What the fuck???? (Pt 1)

OK, so I don't usually post comment on current affairs etc... but this had me in fits of laughter....

In 'The Age' newspaper (online version) today, within the Anna Nicole section, is a link to a photo gallery...

GALLERY : Scenes from a hotel room

It is a collection of photos of a hotel room. Not so funny, until you start going through them. First pic is of a roll of toilet paper. Caption : "A roll of toilet paper similar to that used in the hotel room of Anna Nicole Smith when she collapsed and later died."
Second pic is of a cabinet top with hotel toiletries on it. Caption : "Toiletries in a bathroom in a suite similar to the one used by Anna Nicole Smith when she collapsed. It is unclear at this stage what happened to the original toiletries."

It goes on....

You just have to check it out here... I mean, What the Fuck????

Recovery can be funny...

So I finally got over my weekend. Ecky Tuesday was actually a Wednesday thing. I was feeling seriously flat and emotional. Actually in hind-sight, it was fucking hilarious. I cried watching the Simpsons. I cried watching Friends. I can't actually recall what was happening on the shows at the time, but whatever it was made me cry. God I love 'the days after'... if the drugs aren't a total mind fuck on their own, the days following are enough to make you want to do it again. :op It's kinda like after you have been to the dentist, and your face is numb from anesthetic, and you play with your lip, flicking it, and it's funny cos you can't feel it... it makes you laugh. As an adult, you don't actually laugh out loud about something like that... you laugh on the inside for fear of being labeled a weirdo. Anyway, I digress... You laugh because its funny to find some odd effect to something usually quite normal...

Is any of this making sense? I'm reading back on it, and it confused the fuck out of me... Well, maybe you'll understand... and maybe you won't.

Too buggered to think of a title...

It's recovery day... flat, tired, dehydrated, emotional...

Carnival and T Dance were great. Met up with Adam first for the day. Wandered around, eye candy everywhere. Organisation for food and drinks was abysmal. Thousands of people, two drinks tents, 2 people working at each tent. The queues were at least 50 people long, and in 35 degrees and no shade... the second time I waited for a beer, I gave up half way along... feeling the sun scorching me, knowing that my newly formed 'brickies tan' was getting redder and brighter. Noice.

The day was great though. Lots to see and do. Something strange though... considering it was the biggest gay day on the Melbourne queer calendar... I saw only 1 drag queen - and she was on stage. You know how at Mardi Gras fair day, the place is crawling with big men with big hair and heavy makeup... it really did feel like something was missing.

Ran into so many people that I have met the past few weeks, and some I have know for months - Andy (Dean's friend) was sweet. Saw me, big smile, gave me a hug, told me to 'take care'. Also met up with Dom, Terry & Co, Warrick & Co, Woz, Tan, Vin. Kept me busy.

Party time... Something totally amazing about a dance party outdoors. Never got a chance to go to the harbour party in Sydney, so T Dance was my first outdoor party. Mind you, I have danced my arse off outside before... but that was usually being off my nut and still hearing the music in my head from the night before, ha ha ha.

So anyway, split my time between Terry & Co, Dom, & Warrick and his co-horts.
Dancing like a mad man, totally let loose. My God, first time I actually really let it all out in ages. Warrick came over, when all of a sudden, a finger in my mouth. Ooh! P-I-L-L... mmm...

That was it. The night was mine. Danced with everybody and anybody. Cool breeze, stars, trees swaying.. fucking beautiful. Bumped into a 'friend of a friend', who introduced me to this hot blonde guy (buggered if I can remember his name though!) Danced with him for a while, then since both of us were peaking, ran off into the park to, ummm... appreciate each others induced euphoria. mmmm... Hot night, hot music, hot people, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot.

Next thing we knew, party was over... 11pm and everyone was leaving. Found Warrick & Co. Decided we were heading to Love Machine in Little Chapel St, South Yarra. Place was fucking awesome... loved it. Place was full of sexy people, great music... Dragged into the bathroom part way through the night for a little 'pick me up', courtesy of Kellog's. So that was it... the night became so full on, so loud, so hard, so fucking intense... ended up dancing with these two hot blonde girls, one in front, one behind, being horribly dirty... both intent on dragging me home... ha ha ha... I tried to explain... :op It was all so 'mind-fucking'... the next thing I knew, it was 7am and Warrick, Daryl and I were walking home...

"What the fuck just happened??" "Honey, you were off with the fairy's..." "Have a nice time with those girls? They were really into you..." "Ha! Ummm, I don't know! Oh-my-God..."

So crashed at Warrick's - slept for a couple of hours (you know the kind of sleep where your mind switches off, even though it is still racing a hundred k's an hour...)

Met mum after she finished work... dark glasses on so she couldn't see my eyes... the drive home was excruciating... mum's usual ranting, raving and complaining is manageable and sometimes cute... just not when I'm in that state of mind...

Made it home, and zoned out for the rest of the evening. Slept 11 hours. Today is a total right-off... it has taken me 5 hours to write this...

The past 48 hours have been a blur... a fucking awesome blur...

I remember someone took photos at some stage... If I ever remember who it was... I will try and get a copy and post em on here... :o)

Good times...

Two down...

Organised to meet up with Dom at St Jeromes yesterday... So caught the train into Flinders Street, going through the ticket gate... wrong ticket... bought a Zone 2 instead of a zone 1+2... oops. (What's with me and public frigging transport, huh?)The ticket gate lady was nice though, she let me through. Probably because I was standing there with a totally blank look on my face, frozen in sheer terror, almost like stage fright... she must have thought I was short a chromosome...

So made it safely and fine-free to St Jerome's. Had a drink with Dom, when I got a message from Terry - he was also there with a couple of friends. I took Terry there last Friday, he loved it so much he brought them to check it out... So Dom and I went out the back and met up with Terry, Chris and Shannon. Lovely couple - still in that sweet first months... awwwww... (Cue vomit sounds) "Honey - enjoy it while it lasts... cos he is just gonna rip your heart out and stomp on it." Bitter? Moi? :o)

Funniest thing happens next - get a message from Gene (breakfast in Carlton guy). He was in the city and wanted to catch up. So I told him I was at St J's and he should join us. So he shows up... They all know each other... Aiya... Terry, Chris and Shannon are good friends with Gene - they all hang out together. Whats the chance of that... but wait there's more... I go to introduce Gene to Dom... "Oh hey Dom! How have you been!!!" What the??? My three friends, who I met in separate situations, in completely different ways and locations, were all friends with each other... Bloody Hell...

So we all hung out at St J's for a couple of hours, drinking long necks of Coopers Pale Ale (again)... and talking about poor Anna Nicole Smith... conspiracy theories, drugs, murder, intrigue...

Then it was off to a clay pot restaurant (can't remember the name!) for dinner with more of Terry's friends and then on to Madam Brussels. This place is fabulous! Definitely an addition to my fave's list!



After sharing what seemed like a dozen jugs of Fruit Daiquiris, we all staggered out and went our separate ways. I crashed at Terry's place, since there ain't no way I was gonna do the train and nightride bus back to Hell's Corner.

Woke up this morning, horribly hung over, headache, nausea, hot flushes... noice... recovery breakfast at Prahran Market, wandered around the shops for a few hours, trying on clothes, lunch at , then it was the long trip home...

The rest of today is recovery. Chill, relax, watch TV. :o) Tomorrow is Carnival and T Dance at Treasury Gardens. So need my energy!

Oh, found a place to live! Yay! Hot 3 bedroom apartment in South Melbourne. Just off St Kilda Rd, only 15 minute walk into the city. Sharing with a gay guy, Pete, and a straight German boy, Martin. The block also has pool, gym, and tennis court. Thank God for the gym...

Moving in next Friday!

Love - behind me. Check!
Accommodation - found. Check!
Career / Business - watch this space...

Two down... not a bad run this week!

Yay me!

It's my time....

Having a scaldingly cold beer.. you know when you keep them in the freezer just to the point where the first few crystals form... so when you open it, the beer itself goes cloudy, then that first mouthful burns just like icey cold coke does on a stinking hot day..... ahhhhhhhhhhh.... :o)

Feeling very relaxed... after my emotional night thinking about 'you know who' and his new 'you know what', I decided that regardless of my midly fragile emotional state and lack of sleep, I was gonna get out today, be social, and just have a fucking good day.

Managed to do the bus/train adventure ride to the city. Woohoo. Went to Melbourne Central, met up with 'friend of friend' Han, had a roast beef lunch and a couple of beers, then walked down to Crown and saw Dreamgirls. Had been sort of avoiding seeing the movie, since all it does is remind me of Dean - but effective this morning... I decided that I just gotta get the fuck over it. (I mean, fuck... no one is worth this much torment.)

Movie was pretty good... as far as musicals go. I still find breaking into song, when spoken word would normally suffice, a tad naff... but it was done quite well, and at times, was very touching :o) Overall, a pretty good movie. Couldn't help but dance along in our seats to a lot of the songs - and even sang along... "No way... No, No, No, No Way I'm living without you..." Much to the disgust of the row of old people in front of us.

Did the train/bus adventure ride all the way back to Hell's Corner.

It actually felt good... for the very first time, I was totally self reliant - no lift to the station, no borrowing Ange's car - today I made my own way out, and own way back. Wasted an awful lot of the day traveling and waiting for connecting buses and trains, but shit - it was good to not rely on anyone for a change.

Anyway, thats it - sitting here having second icy cold beer...

It's time to move on and up... This is my time...

Ein neuer Tag beginnt...

The trail was not for me to follow.

Stop... today. Done.

It all falls into place. It's all understood. It all makes sense. And it hurts.

Recovery is swift for some.

Closure is appreciated.

It's just not in my genetic makeup...

Today was supposed to be a fabulously social day for me - Meeting a friend for coffee on Lygon Street at 3. Then at 5, it was off to Bimbo's on Brunswick St for a promised catch up with Jane (the Kiwi chick from Opium Den last week).

So, spent the morning checking out apartments on Domain and share places on Let-it-out... a quick workout, got ready... including mental preparation for the long and horrid trip to the city :

Walk to bus stop (15 minutes)
Bus to Lalor (10 minutes)
Walk to Lalor Train Station (5 minutes)
Train to Merri Station (20 minutes)
Walk to Tram Stop (5 minutes)
Tram to Brunswick Street (40 minutes)

All up, an hour and a bloody half...

So got to the bus stop, shit, just missed it. Walked back home to check next bus.
Next bus - no connecting train.
Next bus with connecting train - 3.10pm. Fuck, fuck, fuck - called to reschedule coffee in Lygon St. At least I will still get in for Bimbo's.

2.50pm - walked back to bus stop.
Bus comes, get on, buy Day ticket Zone 1+2 : 9.70... Sit down, relax, yay, I'm on my way!
OK, so the website says 10 minutes to Lalor Station - it's been over 15 minutes, damn I am gonna miss my connecting train... So I ask the woman in front of me "Do you know how much further to Lalor Station?" To which she giggles momentarily, then with an instant straight face like the Botox fairy had just popped up and jabbed her "Honey... you're going the wrong way..."

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

Got off the next stop mumbling to myself "fuck this fucking hell hole, no fucking signs, how is anyone supposed to, blah, blah, blah, mumble, mumble, mumble, fuck, fuck, fuck" Possibly looked like one of those crazy homeless dudes I used to see on the trains and in the parks in Sydney, talking to themselves and arguing with their imaginary friend...

So crossed over, got another bus home. Damned if I was going to try and head into the city now.

I mean really... What am I doing out here.... It's obviously not in my genetic makeup to be suburban... someone please get me out of this hell...

Have a couple of places to check out tomorrow, so fingers crossed!

Oh, it's Deans birthday today... I sent him an SMS... I wasn't sure whether I should have called, or gone in to see him, or what... but the SMS seemed to be the best option since a phone call would be awkward, and seeing him in person would reduce me to a tragic mess, thus even more awkward. Well, at least he replied...

A little on the nose...

So, talking to a friend over coffee, and the following was put to me...

"At exactly what stage of a relationship is it OK to FART in front of your partner?"

Well... personally, I guess it's different for everybody... and it solely depends on the level of comfort you develop...

"But... How does that translate when it is TRADE!!!"

OH MY GOD...

He continued..."Laying in bed this morning, curled up with my previous nights conquest... and suddenly... I felt his body jerk, turned out it was the "squeezing one out" muscular movements... the sound, the smell... and he didn't even say 'oh, sorry, excuse me'... and not just once, but 4 times! 4 times within an hour, oh my God..."

Well... It took me months before I could do that in front of Mark. And I think I never got to that level with Dean...

So tell me... is that bad form? Anyone?

Would you like rice with that?

Firstly, my sincerest apologies for the banality of this post... it is just a catch up on the past few days. Nothing really blog worthy, but don't like to leave too big a gap between... :o)

Wednesday, my friend Jerry from Sydney appeared in Melbourne. I say 'appeared', because he only told me on Tuesday night that he would be down the next day. Not very convenient, I must say... I had plans! I had "to do's"! I had dates!

So Wednesday morning I trained it to the city... Jerry wasn't in until 3pm, but since I have no way of getting to the station after everyone goes to work.. it was either 8am or never! So once in the city, wandered around, had some breakfast, filled in a few hours with a movie. Saw Deja Vu (Denzel Washington & Val Kilmer) Really great movie... I thought I would get confused, since I did during the trailer...

After the movie, got an invite to lunch with Woz and Dom - so filled in an hour with them. Dom is moving to Japan in two weeks... just getting to know him too. Bugger.

3pm came around, and Jerry called from his room. I took him for a whirlwind tour around the streets, and included a quick zoom through Southbank & the casino, and finished with a bite at Don Don on Swanston St. Great simple Japanese food - fast, easy and cheap as.

Wednesday is Gaysian night at The Opium Den... The place is trash-tastic... dark, dingy, full of lecherous old men chasing young asian boys. Thought it would be good for Jerry to see what a bad gay bar is like. I shouldn't say it's bad... it is a fun bar - but in the whole scheme of gay bars in Melbourne, definitely at the trashier end...

So hung out there for a few hours, lots of cute boys, lots of attention - loved it. Ran into Kai (the gayboy formerly known as Mihn)- he was very trashed and very touchy-feely. He's a cutey, but unfortunately he was very touchy-feely with every man in the bar... mhmm...

The show was amazing. It was a few numbers from Dreamgirls - and first thing I thought of was Dean. He is obsessed with that movie. So anyway, show was great. People were great. Beer was free... and by the jug! (Thanks Kai, xxx) Met a great chick named Jane the Kiwi - got on like a house on fire.

Dragger her, Monkey and Jerry to The Peel - always the natural progression from The Den. Danced the rest of the night away. Said farewells, with a promise of a boozer at Bimbo's on Monday night...

Had told Jerry I would continue the whirlwind tour with him on Thursday. So, crawling out from under my hangover, still wearing the clothes from the whole day out on Wednesday and Wednesday night, eeuuww... So took the free City Circle tram around, got off at Parliament and wandered through Fitzroy Gardens, crashing on the grass and chilling for an hour. End of day two with no sleep... trained it home, tired, sick, hot, dirty, smelly... crashed - out cold.

Good times...

Ross the Intern....

Oh my god, maybe I am way behind the times, but just found out about Ross the Intern from Jay Leno's Tonight Show... This guy is hilarious. Check it out :

There's more of him around... will post 'em when i find 'em.

Better Red than Raw...

So, I decided to wear jeans, white Tigers and black tank top. Cool, moderately sexy, easily removable (tank top only of course...). Woz picked me up at 12.45am, after a long and complicated route from his place to here, then we headed into the city.
Met with his friend Dom, one of the dancers for the 5am show - and the guy who got us tickets... thanks babe :o) Really nice guy, friendly, v.cute.

Got to the Metro, drenched.. it pissed down between the car and the venue... that was OK, cos once inside, things were gonna dry quickly.

Nice place, a bit daggy, but a cool place for a party. If you could imagine the State Theatre in Sydney... similar architecture, layout and style - but about a third the width. And by the looks of it, very little renovation over the years...

Party decked it out really well... big dance floor, big square bar in the middle, 2 or 3 other levels with small dance floors with different music, different kinds of people. Not a bad party, and considering I had little-to-no preparation, no outfit, lacking funds, alcohol, and most importantly, mind altering substances - I still had a pretty good time. Danced a bit, wandered around a lot, did a lot of perving, chatting, flirting - but unfortunately there were very few that I would seriously have wanted to get anywhere with... disappointed in the crowd, but not what I was there for anyway.
Couldn't believe, the party was finishing at 6.30! So early! So we headed off after the 5am show which Dom was in - too buggered to do recoveries. Woz gave me a lift home, and I crashed...

Good times... (Would have been better if my friends Eddie and Charles had partied with me, but good times nonetheless!)

Aussie Aussie Aussie...

So headed into the city with Mum and Russell to just hang out amongst the crowd... certainly better than being at home... The plan was to ditch them as soon as we got to the city... but surprisingly, enjoyed the company. We wandered around the city, took the City Circle tourist tram around for a bit, checked out the apartments in Docklands, then headed for Southbank where we sat outside a bar and had a few beers, checked out cute boys (even Mum and Russ spotted a few for me... hahaha) Then got a message from Woz - he was at a lunch at Crown and was finishing soon. So thats where I left Mum & Russ, and headed to Galactic Circus. A huge video arcade. At Crown Casino. Obviously where the adults dump the kids when they go into spend the grocery money on the pokies.

Played a few games of air hockey there with Woz and his friends, then headed back to their apartment, as they had "a few things to do"... Turns out I was getting roped into becoming a part of a manufacturing line, putting together 200 booklets for a wedding... mhmm... So theres 6 of us sitting around this dining table, 1st person was punching holes in the booklets, 2nd person was cutting lengths of ribbon, 3rd : threading the ribbon, 4th and 5th : tying the ribbons into little bows, and the 6th (me) cutting the ends of the ribbons into little 'V' shapes to make 'em look pretty and neat...

All in all, it actually was a lot of fun, and 3 hours flew by! Before I left them, Woz got a call from a buddy that he was going to Red Raw with - a spare freebie ticket! Do I want it? HELL YEAH! So raced home, 4 hours to get ready... weights, outfit decisions, shower, shave, trim, ahem... so much to do, so little time! So not me... I usually spend two weeks preparing for a dance party - this time I get 4 hours!

To be continued...

Good times...

Caught up with Woz last night.

Background : Woz is the guy from the previous post who I discovered lived above me in HK... We met a couple weeks ago when I was out with Tan & Co - but I couldn't really recall who he was. We have been chatting for a few days now on MSN (after an initial chat on Tan's ID last week). We both broke up with our respective partners at the beginning of January, so it's been great having someone to talk to that is going through the same thing. Kind of support for each other. Nice guy, friendly, sensitive, emotional. I think he will be a really great mate.

Anyway, plan was to have a drink, a chat, see a movie - our first one IRL. So Woz picked me up from Flinder's Street Station and we drove to The Jam Factory on Chapel St. Love it there - such a gay shopping centre. Well it's not really a shopping centre, more like an entertainment complex, but still as gay as anything. Not only the design and the selection of stores, bars, food, etc, but the patrons... gay boys everywhere... almost like Oxford Street under one roof... :o)

So anyway, we went to TGI Fridays, had a bite to eat, a drink and talked about experiences, ex's, breakups etc, then headed off to the movies.

We decided on Pan's Labyrinth... A Spanish language film, kind of an adult fairytale of sorts. An absolutely amazing film. A few scenes made everyone squirm, cringe, cover eyes etc, but it really was a fantastic story. I believe it is nominated for 'Best Foreign Language Film' award at the Oscars this year.

After the movie he drove me all the way back to Hell's Corner, which was great since he lives a similar distance from the city but east... so it was going to be a long drive home for him.

Definitely gonna be a great mate.

Today, I don't feel quite so alone...

What are the chances...

You would not believe what just happened...

Am chatting with a guy I met through Tan, the Southbank apartment dude. We were talking about work etc, and I mentioned I lived in HK for a couple of years.

wozza:how long ago was this?
me:2000 to 2002
wozza:OMG
me:?
wozza:cant believe it
wozza:i was in HK then
wozza:where did u live?
me:causeway bay
wozza:i was in causeway bay
wozza:hoi ping rd
me:oh my god, thats where i lived
me:hoi ping road!
wozza:FUCK OFF!
me:serious!!!
wozza:dont tell me SUNNING COURT
me:hahahahah yes!!!!!!!!!
wozza:FUCK OFF!!

Pride? Blaah...

Well, drove into the city at 6pm - looking forward to experiencing Melbourne's Pride Festival.
The plan - meet W & Co after the march, hang out, drink, watch the crowd, the shows etc.
Arrived at Fitzroy St to hundreds of revelers... almost a mini version of post parade Mardi Gras. It looked like fun. A few bars had queues, lots of trashy queens, immaculately groomed boys, lesbians that look like workmen, all the same type of people as Sydney...
So parked the car in a side street and wandered into the throng. Fuck, it was cold. Back to the car, so much for tight black T... on goes the sweater. Still looks good, so feeling confident... :o)
Wandered a bit around the people, a few cruisy moments... Called W : "I went home to get changed, but I think it's too cold... I'm gonna stay in." Shit.
So I ended up watching the Karaoke and chatted to a couple of boys who stood next to me. After an hour of increasing cold, intermittent drizzle, and increasingly bad karaoke - I decided to go home. With Time After Time being butchered in the background, I wandered back to the car, a little down at my disappointing Pride experience, and my lack of friends to hang out with. Drove home. Arrived to a dark empty quiet house... everyone already being in bed - at 9.30.
Made a snack, jumped online and chatted to friends.

Pride? Blaah...

OMG - Poor timing???

A friend sent me this pic he found on the net cos he recognised Flinders St Station in the background....

And, OH MY GOD... I was at this hotel, actually at this spa just last week when Mikey was in Melbourne! Talk about bad timing, cos they weren't there when I was...

or... was I... maybe under the water??? mmmmmm

Nights in suburbian clubland...

Friday night was Midsumma launch - I didn't end up going. It was too hard to get into the city without a car, or at least a lift to the train station. God, I really need to move into the city soon...
So later in the evening, Ange suggested I go with her and BF to visit friends, play a few games of pool and check out a new club - it was opening night or something. Hmmm, a Friday evening doing northern suburbs straight people things... Joy...

So, first stop Ange's friends Skye & Daniel's place. Daniel is one really hot guy... rough, but boy next door... mmmm. Good thing was, I told his GF and she thought it was sweet. He found out and had no problem either.
Sat out the front drinking, and talking. Then made our way to this club which I cannot recall the name. It was opening night. Actually located behind a bowling alley in an industrial estate out in the middle of fuck-knows-where. Met more of their friends there. Lovely people, but can't remember their names...

$5 cover charge.. OK, not too bad, but honey, they really should be paying us to go in...
So get to the cover charge chick, and I am told that I need to not only show them driver's licence, but put it in this scanner machine thing and let them store a hi-res scanned copy! Bullshit! With all of the identity theft shit going on at the moment, and the police and news reports saying never allow your license to be copied - plus it actually being an offense to demand to keep a copy of your license - like hell I was gonna let them do that. So after a good 20 minute discussion with the owner, and the biggest, rudest, toughest doorman they had (bet he takes it like a bitch anyway) they let me in with just writing down my license number and name.

Win number 1...

Inside, it was like an aircraft hangar. Huge, enormous ceilings, lots of glass and steel with a smattering of wood paneling. On one side was a huge area full of pool tables and bad lighting The centre in front was a nice big bar, behind that video games and a lounge area, To the other side was a huge dance floor, another lounge area and a stage. What really made this place great... was the abundance of incredibly HOT straight boys. Oh-my-God... I swear I developed whiplash within 5 minutes of being in there. Amazing how they breed them out here. Well dressed, sexy faces, good hair... problem was that once upon a time you could tell the gay boys from the straight ones.... here, it was impossible to tell... they all looked like gorgeous gay boys.

Part way through the night, dancing with lots of girls (funny how they seem to congregate around the gay boy), a band came on - they were great, played lot soft rock, some pop stuff, but seriously gay - I think the handsome lead singer and the sexy Asian bass guitarist are a couple...

Went to the bar, and completely forgot the whole Pot/Pint thing - and asked for a Carlton Draught "in the big glass"... when it arrived (to a smirk from the bar-chick) I realised how big they are and quietly commented "oh, I forgot they were this big." To which the very rough scary looking dude next to me, with tattoos covering 97% of his body, says "Too big? Mate, you can't handle it? Nah, don't think you can handle it, shoulda got a girly drink, mate." I looked at him, from under my alcohol induced new found toughness "Mate, this is no problem, I could skull this." To which he took me up on the challenge "Or'right mate, skull this and I'll buy ya another one." So it took just 4 seconds to down the 570ml... not my finest most culturally defining moment, I must say. But it was done, to the cheers of the half dozen people that had overheard the discussion and felt compelled to see if the gay boy could do it.

Win Number 2...

Took my second beer back to the floor where the group were still 'dancing' (that old favourite 2-step side slide routine).

Popped off to the bathroom at one point, and, standing at the urinal, this young short boy with shaved head stands near me, and tried to discretely check 'it' out... ha ha ha... silly boy, if I was straight he would have copped a beating... lucky it was me. He was trashed, and obviously trying very hard to fit in, but couldn't escape the truth... the boy loves cock. He says hi, and tries to make conversation... the urinal in a straight club is definitely not the place to be making conversation - and especially when their eyes are glued to your crotch... so, I politely laughed and headed back to the safety of the group.

The night finished rather abruptly, when we discovered that Ange and her BF were having a domestic. In typical straight bar fashion, the domestic was played out in full view of the entire club crowd. It was pushed outside where we had to separate the pair at different ends of the parking lot. Trashy. Split into two cars, we all drove home. After just 5 minutes at home, desperately needing to reaffirm my homosexuality, I took my sisters car and drove to the city. Where can I be at my gayest... The Peel.

It's pretty bad arriving at a bar at 3am - especially when you are not trashed and everyone else is by that stage. But I made my own fun, bumped into a few people that I recognised. It's nice to start being able to bump into people, or people saying hi to you as you walk past... I don't feel so much of a loner now... Ran into an old friend from Sydney, and hung out with him for the rest of the morning. Still a little trashed, he offered to drive my sisters car home instead of me (once again) sleeping in it.

So drove back to Hell's Corner and passed out for a few hours. Woke up to a houseful... family, extended family and Ange's friends. OK, now this is going to be awkward - staggered out of the bedroom, with a boy in tow... OK everyone, this is NOT what you think. Subjected to a few raised eyebrows and a couple of 'mhmm's... we escaped to the couch and zonked out in front of the TV.

Why is it that people assume that gay boys cannot share a bed without screwing?

The rest of Saturday was a blur, hung over, tired, sore, blaaah... Took M to the train station mid afternoon then had to start getting ready for Mum's birthday dinner.

Dinner was at the Templestowe Hotel, about 20 minutes from Hell's Corner out past Greensbrough.

I drove Craig's car with Ange and Craig's daughter. Part way there, turning a corner at a huge intersection, the car lost traction... OK minor slide, but manageable... nope... the car continued to spin... and spin... holy fuck! We spun around twice... a full 720 degrees! Eventually coming to a rest in the centre of the road... thank God the only other cars were behind us stopped at the lights, and the road was wide enough to comfortably contain our automobile pirouette. It honestly would have looked quite spectacular from the cars at the lights... almost like those wild car chases from helicopters you see on TV...

Me : seriously shaken. Ange & Co. : "Woo Hoo!!! That was fun!"

The rest of the drive to dinner was slow, and corners were taken at tricycle speeds.

Dinner was interesting. It was a buffet. And in true buffet spirit, the majority of people felt that the food was most definitely going to run out - so it was a 'kill or be killed' mentality... suburbanites are suburbanites, no matter which city you are in.... bless 'em

After dinner, headed home as I was seriously tired and still feeling a little off from the night before. Home at 10.30, asleep by 11.

Today is mum's birthday. Woke up about 9, crawled out and gave mum her gift - two tickets to Eric Clapton on Feb 4th. Not the best seats, since the shows were pretty much sold out, but at least managed to get two. Mum didn't care, she was going to Eric Clapton. She cried.

Breakfast was huge - definitely NOT needed after last nights serious gluttony session.

The Pride March and Concert are on at St. Kilda this afternoon. Heading in there about 3pm, meeting up with W & Co. Can't make it a big night, but should hang around until it all finishes at 11. Preying I can nick my sisters car again... not looking forward to the late night hour long train trip home if I can't...

Uneventful...

So the past few days have not really been blog-worthy. But instead of trying to cram a whole weekend on top... better to cover off now.

Tuesday, was supposed to go to the beach with Tan, Vins (I think that's it) and Josh... Another attempt at meeting new people... I arrived at Tan's at 11- we were supposed to be meeting the others at 11.30 at Flinders St Station, but everyone else was late... finally ready to head to Brighton at 1.30pm... it was 40 degrees... the trains were all late or... canceled... Bastards. The delay meant we weren't actually going to get to the beach until some time after 2.30 Forget it. Bailed on them... since I had a meet and greet at 4... which was canceled also. Bastards.

Ended up wandering around in the heat for an hour - then got the train back to Hell's Corner.

Boring.

Wednesday - Boring.

Thursday - Grocery shopping (boring) - then a trip to Geelong to visit my brother, his fiance and my gorgeous niece Ava Grace. The bright light in my otherwise droll, dreary life.


Dinner at home, nice, a few drinks to celebrate... Ange is finally escaping. She has managed to find a house to rent, and is getting out of here in a month. God, I hope its not that long for me.

Tomorrow night is Midsumma launch. It's at Federation Square in the city, and should be a lot of fun. Not sure who I am going with as yet, but the great thing is, I don't care. I will go, meet some new interesting people, and have fun - that's what it's all about, right?

I feel so fat right now... 4 weeks without Gym... Muscles? Hello? Just call me Michelin Man...

It's Mum's birthday on Sunday, so we have a dinner on Saturday night... God help me.... Not just family, but extended ones too... kill me now...

Worthy of such diatribe?

OK, so maybe I don't fit the mold down here. Maybe I was so worried about screwing everything up, that I actually screwed everything up... Who knows... but could I possibly be due this :

Brad, wasted. "Ever since we met I thought you hated me." Oh, for fuck's sake... In a social setting, it's terribly easy to bully someone by saying something they can't publicly own, forcing them to dissemble or deny the spoken truth, leaving them feeling dirty with nobody convinced. But it's a cheap trick, one that could only seem clever to an alcoholic (and embarrassing to everyone else).

I dissembled for Chxlks' sake, since Dxxn has apparently made it clear their friendship is conditional upon Chxlks making happyface with Brad. Sufficient truth: "Oh, that's just how Melbourne people work." Actual truth: from the moment you wouldn't make eye contact when we met, Brad, I've known it would be a mistake to trust you, and you've done nothing but prove it since then.

No one has to make happyface with me anymore...

Above The Clouds

Overhung...

Promised myself I wouldn't go out and write myself off again this week... oops.

Two friends Johnny and Mikey were in Melbourne (separately), so was looking forward to hanging out with some familiar faces for a few days. Mikey was down with a bunch of old workmates / girlfriends for a catch up weekend. Caught up with them at The Langham Hotel at Southbank. Just hung out by the pool, chatted, then wandered into the city for a spot of lunch and a couple of glasses of wine. After that, back down to Southbank where we met up with Johnny and his friend. Couple of beers later, and feeling moderately numb, Johnny and I decided to go out...

Same old places... God, there's another thing I promised myself... "Stay away from the scene, Brad...." DIVA, Heaven's Door, Market, XChange... Met some great people.. but buggered if I can remember their names now...

Market had an AussieBum season launch... hot show with hot guys in hot swimwear... all terribly hot...

Towards the end of the night, standing outside Heaven's Door I bumped into a friend of Adams, to whom I had been introduced earlier in the week... couldn't remember his name, I just remembered that he was a drag queen I think... chatted outside for a while. A very weird and trashed asian guy was standing outside as well, annoying as all hell... bling'd to the hilt, drinking champagne and being an arsehole... was totally obnoxious, and really giving everyone the shits. We told him he was being a wanker, and he says "I'll be whatever I want, I have this..." And takes out his Black Amex... everyone laughed at him... "It's invitation only... and you're just jealous". I told him that it probably isn't even real, to more laughter. So he hands it to me and says "Here, see... it's real and it's mine..." So I had a close look.... "You're right, it is real..." and then threw it like a frisbee across the road. "You're a wanker mate, now fuck off..." Ha, ha, ha, ha.... everyone was in hysterics. The next 20 minutes we all stood around talking, laughing at him and watching him stagger around the street looking for his card.

Headed off to The Peel ... it was so packed... danced myself crazy again... staggered out of there at 4, too messy, so slept in the car for a couple of hours before the long drive back to Mum's...

It was great to catch up with Johnny... even though I saw less and less of him as the night progressed... he found himself a guy and was busy most of the time... hmmm... still great to catch up though.

Overall, night was fun - but couldn't really get into it - I do have fun, but I kind of drop in and out of mood constantly. I find it easier to just get on the dancefloor, alone, and just let go. Taking no notice of anyone else - like I am the only one on the floor... I really am trying to be happy...

Things like this...

So Wednesday, I had to pull myself together and get out of the house. Not a lot of drive, but things to do, places to go...

Dropped Ange off at work, and headed in to St Kilda Beach where I sprawled for a couple of hours, reading my book. 12o'clock, made my way to meet Gary, dude from the Middle Beach apartment. Hmm, tad scary, and really not sure how to take the whole experience... I got the impression that he placed the ad to pick up. His ad said he was 40 - but turns out he was 50... get there and offers me a beer, and proceeds to talk about sex, boys, prowess etc... all a little creepy for my liking. Where's the discussion regarding the apartment, location, facilities, the room itself...

Made my excuses and left after about an hour, headed back to Mill Park for a rest and shower.

Met mate Adam at Jam Factory on Chapel St at 7.30pm - had dinner at Jackie O's in St Kilda. Then made our way back to Commercial Road for a few drinks. Diva, then XChange. Bumped into Tan, the Uni Student from the Southbank apartment, at XChange, and he was going to The Opium Den and as I had heard about it from Dean's friend Andy, decided to go with them there. Place was tacky, trashy, dark and dirty... Loved It... :o)
Met lots of people and got hit on by more guys than I can recall happening in one night - ever. There is something both exhilarating and unnerving about being new to a scene. But it was nice to just wind down and forget about everything just for an evening. After there, went to The Peel... danced myself into the ground. Completely worn out, crawled home, and ended up spending the whole day laying on the sofa, watching movies and trying to recover...

Really missing Dean so badly. Without sounding too melodramatic, I really do feel like he has left a hole in my heart. But I have begun to realise that no matter what I want, ultimately he needs to do whatever makes him happy. If for him, not being with me is what makes him happy, then who am I to expect him to stay. Of course I want him back - I would not hesitate for a second. But... would you want someone that doesn't really want you in the first place? I keep asking myself that... why do I say I still want him, even though he doesn't want me? Sometimes things don't really have to make sense.

Things like this
Can always take a little time
I always thought
We'd be together down the line
We start to fight
And can't get over what was said
'Cause you see black and white
And I see red

I make the bed and cover
Where you used to sleep
I'm smoothing over promises
Made in these sheets
I envy lovers passing by
Out on the street
'Cause what they have
I couldn't keep

And I wonder who let in the rain
You know without you
I'm not the same
When love gets strong
People get weak
Sometimes they lose control
And wind up in too deep
They fall like rain
Who let in the rain... - Cyndi Lauper

I'm off to bed. Virtually no sleep since Sunday night - I am gonna sleep like a baby...

Discarded

That's it.

Couldn't Be Fucked Thinking Of A Title...

It's been a long day. I didn't sleep very well last night. Read my book. Couldn't concentrate. I was so focussed on keeping my mind off other crap, that it consumed me. No time to think, no time to read, no time to sleep.

Spent the night wondering what happened... the last few months seemed like a dream... or was it a nightmare... one that I woke up from, but didn't do anything about - until it was too late - and even then, I didn't do anything... I just thought it was a dream - a wonderful, exciting, beautiful dream... went for the ride, crashed to earth, and now I'm sitting here, wondering what the hell happened.

I don't even know what I am doing anymore. I have lost my way, lost my drive. Part of me is saying 'Go back to Sydney... you don't need to be here...' The other part is saying 'fuck that, you're here now... new city, new people, new experiences...' Not sure who I should listen to at this stage... but leaning more towards staying. Its true - a whole new exciting adventure ahead of me...

Fuck that... I'm not really up for adventure right now...

Oscar Wilde said: "Hearts live by being wounded."

Not sure where this is going right now... just found it Google-ing.

I am such a fool...

After a few days of being a pathetic mess, I was counting down to seeing Dean on Sunday to talk about everything. Maybe another chance...

We met at Federation Square - suitable weather for the occasion... cold, wet, windy, i.e. miserable. Over a couple of beers, we had a good long talk. You know, every couple argues. Sometimes the worst in someone comes out during those arguments, and sometimes horrible things are said. But never-the-less, it's all part of learning to be together, learning how to communicate, how to function in a relationship. Very natural.

After our talk, I felt positive. I thought, not all set, but possibly he saw my point and that we might have a chance. Then a nice walk along the Yarra, arms around each other. We sat and cuddled and kissed for a little while. I told him again how great we were together. Walked back to the car, hugged and kissed some more. Obviously something felt right here...

Spent the rest of the day on cloud 9. Although I wasn't totally confident that it would be OK... after the past couple of hours, I thought we would at least have an opportunity for another go at it... Bounced around the city, happy at home, slept well - best sleep in weeks...

How much of a fool can I be. I completely misread the whole thing. The kisses, the hugs... Blinded maybe? Stupid, stupid fool.

Today marks the start of the second week of 2007 - the 1st week was the worst start to a year in recent memory. Let's skip the first week and start it all again from today.

Happy Fucking New Year.

I guess now it's a clean break, I can move on. Well, try to.

Back to step 1, fool.

Maybe another time...

Wandered around the city for a couple of hours today. Trying to avoid Little Collins St, GPO, and anywhere in between...

Was checking out a share place at 2.30, so window shopped until then. The guy's name is Tan, Malaysian Uni Student. Apartment is a 3 bedroom at Southbank... Hot apartment, semi-hot view, not high, but enough to get great lights. Weird arse flatmate, who I believe is getting booted out once someone is ready to move in...

Was invited out tonight with Tan - he was meeting a big group of friends, and thought it would be a good way for me to meet people... maybe another time.

Karma's a bitch, huh...

I really thought that people placed more value in their relationships - to the point of actually working through issues - instead of walking away. To be honest, I don't really even know where this all came from. One stupid moment dragged on, and on, and on... like no matter what I did to try to make things right, I felt like I was kicked at every turn, shredded at every comment... I think that I was the only one that wanted it to go back to normal...

After 3 months long distance, a little turbulence probably was expected in the initial time together... the pressures of knowing each other, but not used to being around each other. The whole sudden change in the dynamic of the relationship. I thought "OK, this is going to be a little rough to start, but you know, it was worth moving all this way for it, so it's obviously worth whatever we have to get through..." Somehow I thought that we would both have this mentality. And surprisingly, I really didn't think that after 2 weeks it would be too hard - at least for one of us.

First week of this new year has been the worst I have ever had. I hope it gets better than this. Seems like since the day I made 'that' decision 5 months ago, everything has gone to shit.

Maybe it's what I needed. Someone to kick me in the guts, teach me to stop being so fucking naive. Maybe it's Karma. I left Mark for good reasons, but he was left stunned and shattered because he didn't know it was coming. That was after almost 3 years. Maybe this has happened to me as payback. Karma's a bitch, huh...

I am seeing him on Sunday. I think that since it was done over the phone, I deserve at least a face to face...

I hope that out of this, I still get to keep a few friends, or at least keep in touch with them. First people I met in Melbourne, and really so nice.

OK, Brad - pull yourself together... Step 1...

My Love...

I can see us holding hands
Walking on the beach, our toes in the sand
I can see us on the countryside
Sitting on the grass, laying side by side
You could be my baby, let me make you my baby
Boy, you amaze me
Ain't gotta do nothing crazy
See, all I want you to do is be my love ...

Sad, but true...

Save me from my suburban prison.... Give me bright lights any day...

Rather Be With You...

Sometimes I look at you
Feel like I make you blue
Wish I could make us all brand new
Wish I had some mystery left
To my personality
Then I could wink at you
and you'd laugh like you used to

I know it's hard not to
continue what we do
And remove a pattern
Like an old tattoo
I go with you
You go with me
But if we had some clarity
Well maybe we could stop ourselves
before we both get silly

Always felt strong
we belong
From the first time you stood next to me
Am I still your guy?
Cause in a crowded world
You are still the only man I see

You know I think we'll make it through
Cause if it's all the same
I'd rather be with you
We could move on if you wanted to
But if it's all the same
I'd rather be with you
-CYNDI LAUPER

Everything...

sucks. I hate my life.

Space...

I am so confused. I'm hurting, I think we both are... and I can't work out how to fix it. I honestly don't know what I am doing wrong. Maybe I am trying too hard. Maybe I really am a bastard, and I don't see it. Official break time - space can be a good thing, right? I'll wait - cos it really is worth it.