Ross the Intern....

Oh my god, maybe I am way behind the times, but just found out about Ross the Intern from Jay Leno's Tonight Show... This guy is hilarious. Check it out :

There's more of him around... will post 'em when i find 'em.

Better Red than Raw...

So, I decided to wear jeans, white Tigers and black tank top. Cool, moderately sexy, easily removable (tank top only of course...). Woz picked me up at 12.45am, after a long and complicated route from his place to here, then we headed into the city.
Met with his friend Dom, one of the dancers for the 5am show - and the guy who got us tickets... thanks babe :o) Really nice guy, friendly, v.cute.

Got to the Metro, drenched.. it pissed down between the car and the venue... that was OK, cos once inside, things were gonna dry quickly.

Nice place, a bit daggy, but a cool place for a party. If you could imagine the State Theatre in Sydney... similar architecture, layout and style - but about a third the width. And by the looks of it, very little renovation over the years...

Party decked it out really well... big dance floor, big square bar in the middle, 2 or 3 other levels with small dance floors with different music, different kinds of people. Not a bad party, and considering I had little-to-no preparation, no outfit, lacking funds, alcohol, and most importantly, mind altering substances - I still had a pretty good time. Danced a bit, wandered around a lot, did a lot of perving, chatting, flirting - but unfortunately there were very few that I would seriously have wanted to get anywhere with... disappointed in the crowd, but not what I was there for anyway.
Couldn't believe, the party was finishing at 6.30! So early! So we headed off after the 5am show which Dom was in - too buggered to do recoveries. Woz gave me a lift home, and I crashed...

Good times... (Would have been better if my friends Eddie and Charles had partied with me, but good times nonetheless!)

Aussie Aussie Aussie...

So headed into the city with Mum and Russell to just hang out amongst the crowd... certainly better than being at home... The plan was to ditch them as soon as we got to the city... but surprisingly, enjoyed the company. We wandered around the city, took the City Circle tourist tram around for a bit, checked out the apartments in Docklands, then headed for Southbank where we sat outside a bar and had a few beers, checked out cute boys (even Mum and Russ spotted a few for me... hahaha) Then got a message from Woz - he was at a lunch at Crown and was finishing soon. So thats where I left Mum & Russ, and headed to Galactic Circus. A huge video arcade. At Crown Casino. Obviously where the adults dump the kids when they go into spend the grocery money on the pokies.

Played a few games of air hockey there with Woz and his friends, then headed back to their apartment, as they had "a few things to do"... Turns out I was getting roped into becoming a part of a manufacturing line, putting together 200 booklets for a wedding... mhmm... So theres 6 of us sitting around this dining table, 1st person was punching holes in the booklets, 2nd person was cutting lengths of ribbon, 3rd : threading the ribbon, 4th and 5th : tying the ribbons into little bows, and the 6th (me) cutting the ends of the ribbons into little 'V' shapes to make 'em look pretty and neat...

All in all, it actually was a lot of fun, and 3 hours flew by! Before I left them, Woz got a call from a buddy that he was going to Red Raw with - a spare freebie ticket! Do I want it? HELL YEAH! So raced home, 4 hours to get ready... weights, outfit decisions, shower, shave, trim, ahem... so much to do, so little time! So not me... I usually spend two weeks preparing for a dance party - this time I get 4 hours!

To be continued...

Good times...

Caught up with Woz last night.

Background : Woz is the guy from the previous post who I discovered lived above me in HK... We met a couple weeks ago when I was out with Tan & Co - but I couldn't really recall who he was. We have been chatting for a few days now on MSN (after an initial chat on Tan's ID last week). We both broke up with our respective partners at the beginning of January, so it's been great having someone to talk to that is going through the same thing. Kind of support for each other. Nice guy, friendly, sensitive, emotional. I think he will be a really great mate.

Anyway, plan was to have a drink, a chat, see a movie - our first one IRL. So Woz picked me up from Flinder's Street Station and we drove to The Jam Factory on Chapel St. Love it there - such a gay shopping centre. Well it's not really a shopping centre, more like an entertainment complex, but still as gay as anything. Not only the design and the selection of stores, bars, food, etc, but the patrons... gay boys everywhere... almost like Oxford Street under one roof... :o)

So anyway, we went to TGI Fridays, had a bite to eat, a drink and talked about experiences, ex's, breakups etc, then headed off to the movies.

We decided on Pan's Labyrinth... A Spanish language film, kind of an adult fairytale of sorts. An absolutely amazing film. A few scenes made everyone squirm, cringe, cover eyes etc, but it really was a fantastic story. I believe it is nominated for 'Best Foreign Language Film' award at the Oscars this year.

After the movie he drove me all the way back to Hell's Corner, which was great since he lives a similar distance from the city but east... so it was going to be a long drive home for him.

Definitely gonna be a great mate.

Today, I don't feel quite so alone...

What are the chances...

You would not believe what just happened...

Am chatting with a guy I met through Tan, the Southbank apartment dude. We were talking about work etc, and I mentioned I lived in HK for a couple of years.

wozza:how long ago was this?
me:2000 to 2002
wozza:OMG
me:?
wozza:cant believe it
wozza:i was in HK then
wozza:where did u live?
me:causeway bay
wozza:i was in causeway bay
wozza:hoi ping rd
me:oh my god, thats where i lived
me:hoi ping road!
wozza:FUCK OFF!
me:serious!!!
wozza:dont tell me SUNNING COURT
me:hahahahah yes!!!!!!!!!
wozza:FUCK OFF!!

Pride? Blaah...

Well, drove into the city at 6pm - looking forward to experiencing Melbourne's Pride Festival.
The plan - meet W & Co after the march, hang out, drink, watch the crowd, the shows etc.
Arrived at Fitzroy St to hundreds of revelers... almost a mini version of post parade Mardi Gras. It looked like fun. A few bars had queues, lots of trashy queens, immaculately groomed boys, lesbians that look like workmen, all the same type of people as Sydney...
So parked the car in a side street and wandered into the throng. Fuck, it was cold. Back to the car, so much for tight black T... on goes the sweater. Still looks good, so feeling confident... :o)
Wandered a bit around the people, a few cruisy moments... Called W : "I went home to get changed, but I think it's too cold... I'm gonna stay in." Shit.
So I ended up watching the Karaoke and chatted to a couple of boys who stood next to me. After an hour of increasing cold, intermittent drizzle, and increasingly bad karaoke - I decided to go home. With Time After Time being butchered in the background, I wandered back to the car, a little down at my disappointing Pride experience, and my lack of friends to hang out with. Drove home. Arrived to a dark empty quiet house... everyone already being in bed - at 9.30.
Made a snack, jumped online and chatted to friends.

Pride? Blaah...

OMG - Poor timing???

A friend sent me this pic he found on the net cos he recognised Flinders St Station in the background....

And, OH MY GOD... I was at this hotel, actually at this spa just last week when Mikey was in Melbourne! Talk about bad timing, cos they weren't there when I was...

or... was I... maybe under the water??? mmmmmm

Nights in suburbian clubland...

Friday night was Midsumma launch - I didn't end up going. It was too hard to get into the city without a car, or at least a lift to the train station. God, I really need to move into the city soon...
So later in the evening, Ange suggested I go with her and BF to visit friends, play a few games of pool and check out a new club - it was opening night or something. Hmmm, a Friday evening doing northern suburbs straight people things... Joy...

So, first stop Ange's friends Skye & Daniel's place. Daniel is one really hot guy... rough, but boy next door... mmmm. Good thing was, I told his GF and she thought it was sweet. He found out and had no problem either.
Sat out the front drinking, and talking. Then made our way to this club which I cannot recall the name. It was opening night. Actually located behind a bowling alley in an industrial estate out in the middle of fuck-knows-where. Met more of their friends there. Lovely people, but can't remember their names...

$5 cover charge.. OK, not too bad, but honey, they really should be paying us to go in...
So get to the cover charge chick, and I am told that I need to not only show them driver's licence, but put it in this scanner machine thing and let them store a hi-res scanned copy! Bullshit! With all of the identity theft shit going on at the moment, and the police and news reports saying never allow your license to be copied - plus it actually being an offense to demand to keep a copy of your license - like hell I was gonna let them do that. So after a good 20 minute discussion with the owner, and the biggest, rudest, toughest doorman they had (bet he takes it like a bitch anyway) they let me in with just writing down my license number and name.

Win number 1...

Inside, it was like an aircraft hangar. Huge, enormous ceilings, lots of glass and steel with a smattering of wood paneling. On one side was a huge area full of pool tables and bad lighting The centre in front was a nice big bar, behind that video games and a lounge area, To the other side was a huge dance floor, another lounge area and a stage. What really made this place great... was the abundance of incredibly HOT straight boys. Oh-my-God... I swear I developed whiplash within 5 minutes of being in there. Amazing how they breed them out here. Well dressed, sexy faces, good hair... problem was that once upon a time you could tell the gay boys from the straight ones.... here, it was impossible to tell... they all looked like gorgeous gay boys.

Part way through the night, dancing with lots of girls (funny how they seem to congregate around the gay boy), a band came on - they were great, played lot soft rock, some pop stuff, but seriously gay - I think the handsome lead singer and the sexy Asian bass guitarist are a couple...

Went to the bar, and completely forgot the whole Pot/Pint thing - and asked for a Carlton Draught "in the big glass"... when it arrived (to a smirk from the bar-chick) I realised how big they are and quietly commented "oh, I forgot they were this big." To which the very rough scary looking dude next to me, with tattoos covering 97% of his body, says "Too big? Mate, you can't handle it? Nah, don't think you can handle it, shoulda got a girly drink, mate." I looked at him, from under my alcohol induced new found toughness "Mate, this is no problem, I could skull this." To which he took me up on the challenge "Or'right mate, skull this and I'll buy ya another one." So it took just 4 seconds to down the 570ml... not my finest most culturally defining moment, I must say. But it was done, to the cheers of the half dozen people that had overheard the discussion and felt compelled to see if the gay boy could do it.

Win Number 2...

Took my second beer back to the floor where the group were still 'dancing' (that old favourite 2-step side slide routine).

Popped off to the bathroom at one point, and, standing at the urinal, this young short boy with shaved head stands near me, and tried to discretely check 'it' out... ha ha ha... silly boy, if I was straight he would have copped a beating... lucky it was me. He was trashed, and obviously trying very hard to fit in, but couldn't escape the truth... the boy loves cock. He says hi, and tries to make conversation... the urinal in a straight club is definitely not the place to be making conversation - and especially when their eyes are glued to your crotch... so, I politely laughed and headed back to the safety of the group.

The night finished rather abruptly, when we discovered that Ange and her BF were having a domestic. In typical straight bar fashion, the domestic was played out in full view of the entire club crowd. It was pushed outside where we had to separate the pair at different ends of the parking lot. Trashy. Split into two cars, we all drove home. After just 5 minutes at home, desperately needing to reaffirm my homosexuality, I took my sisters car and drove to the city. Where can I be at my gayest... The Peel.

It's pretty bad arriving at a bar at 3am - especially when you are not trashed and everyone else is by that stage. But I made my own fun, bumped into a few people that I recognised. It's nice to start being able to bump into people, or people saying hi to you as you walk past... I don't feel so much of a loner now... Ran into an old friend from Sydney, and hung out with him for the rest of the morning. Still a little trashed, he offered to drive my sisters car home instead of me (once again) sleeping in it.

So drove back to Hell's Corner and passed out for a few hours. Woke up to a houseful... family, extended family and Ange's friends. OK, now this is going to be awkward - staggered out of the bedroom, with a boy in tow... OK everyone, this is NOT what you think. Subjected to a few raised eyebrows and a couple of 'mhmm's... we escaped to the couch and zonked out in front of the TV.

Why is it that people assume that gay boys cannot share a bed without screwing?

The rest of Saturday was a blur, hung over, tired, sore, blaaah... Took M to the train station mid afternoon then had to start getting ready for Mum's birthday dinner.

Dinner was at the Templestowe Hotel, about 20 minutes from Hell's Corner out past Greensbrough.

I drove Craig's car with Ange and Craig's daughter. Part way there, turning a corner at a huge intersection, the car lost traction... OK minor slide, but manageable... nope... the car continued to spin... and spin... holy fuck! We spun around twice... a full 720 degrees! Eventually coming to a rest in the centre of the road... thank God the only other cars were behind us stopped at the lights, and the road was wide enough to comfortably contain our automobile pirouette. It honestly would have looked quite spectacular from the cars at the lights... almost like those wild car chases from helicopters you see on TV...

Me : seriously shaken. Ange & Co. : "Woo Hoo!!! That was fun!"

The rest of the drive to dinner was slow, and corners were taken at tricycle speeds.

Dinner was interesting. It was a buffet. And in true buffet spirit, the majority of people felt that the food was most definitely going to run out - so it was a 'kill or be killed' mentality... suburbanites are suburbanites, no matter which city you are in.... bless 'em

After dinner, headed home as I was seriously tired and still feeling a little off from the night before. Home at 10.30, asleep by 11.

Today is mum's birthday. Woke up about 9, crawled out and gave mum her gift - two tickets to Eric Clapton on Feb 4th. Not the best seats, since the shows were pretty much sold out, but at least managed to get two. Mum didn't care, she was going to Eric Clapton. She cried.

Breakfast was huge - definitely NOT needed after last nights serious gluttony session.

The Pride March and Concert are on at St. Kilda this afternoon. Heading in there about 3pm, meeting up with W & Co. Can't make it a big night, but should hang around until it all finishes at 11. Preying I can nick my sisters car again... not looking forward to the late night hour long train trip home if I can't...

Uneventful...

So the past few days have not really been blog-worthy. But instead of trying to cram a whole weekend on top... better to cover off now.

Tuesday, was supposed to go to the beach with Tan, Vins (I think that's it) and Josh... Another attempt at meeting new people... I arrived at Tan's at 11- we were supposed to be meeting the others at 11.30 at Flinders St Station, but everyone else was late... finally ready to head to Brighton at 1.30pm... it was 40 degrees... the trains were all late or... canceled... Bastards. The delay meant we weren't actually going to get to the beach until some time after 2.30 Forget it. Bailed on them... since I had a meet and greet at 4... which was canceled also. Bastards.

Ended up wandering around in the heat for an hour - then got the train back to Hell's Corner.

Boring.

Wednesday - Boring.

Thursday - Grocery shopping (boring) - then a trip to Geelong to visit my brother, his fiance and my gorgeous niece Ava Grace. The bright light in my otherwise droll, dreary life.


Dinner at home, nice, a few drinks to celebrate... Ange is finally escaping. She has managed to find a house to rent, and is getting out of here in a month. God, I hope its not that long for me.

Tomorrow night is Midsumma launch. It's at Federation Square in the city, and should be a lot of fun. Not sure who I am going with as yet, but the great thing is, I don't care. I will go, meet some new interesting people, and have fun - that's what it's all about, right?

I feel so fat right now... 4 weeks without Gym... Muscles? Hello? Just call me Michelin Man...

It's Mum's birthday on Sunday, so we have a dinner on Saturday night... God help me.... Not just family, but extended ones too... kill me now...

Worthy of such diatribe?

OK, so maybe I don't fit the mold down here. Maybe I was so worried about screwing everything up, that I actually screwed everything up... Who knows... but could I possibly be due this :

Brad, wasted. "Ever since we met I thought you hated me." Oh, for fuck's sake... In a social setting, it's terribly easy to bully someone by saying something they can't publicly own, forcing them to dissemble or deny the spoken truth, leaving them feeling dirty with nobody convinced. But it's a cheap trick, one that could only seem clever to an alcoholic (and embarrassing to everyone else).

I dissembled for Chxlks' sake, since Dxxn has apparently made it clear their friendship is conditional upon Chxlks making happyface with Brad. Sufficient truth: "Oh, that's just how Melbourne people work." Actual truth: from the moment you wouldn't make eye contact when we met, Brad, I've known it would be a mistake to trust you, and you've done nothing but prove it since then.

No one has to make happyface with me anymore...

Above The Clouds

Overhung...

Promised myself I wouldn't go out and write myself off again this week... oops.

Two friends Johnny and Mikey were in Melbourne (separately), so was looking forward to hanging out with some familiar faces for a few days. Mikey was down with a bunch of old workmates / girlfriends for a catch up weekend. Caught up with them at The Langham Hotel at Southbank. Just hung out by the pool, chatted, then wandered into the city for a spot of lunch and a couple of glasses of wine. After that, back down to Southbank where we met up with Johnny and his friend. Couple of beers later, and feeling moderately numb, Johnny and I decided to go out...

Same old places... God, there's another thing I promised myself... "Stay away from the scene, Brad...." DIVA, Heaven's Door, Market, XChange... Met some great people.. but buggered if I can remember their names now...

Market had an AussieBum season launch... hot show with hot guys in hot swimwear... all terribly hot...

Towards the end of the night, standing outside Heaven's Door I bumped into a friend of Adams, to whom I had been introduced earlier in the week... couldn't remember his name, I just remembered that he was a drag queen I think... chatted outside for a while. A very weird and trashed asian guy was standing outside as well, annoying as all hell... bling'd to the hilt, drinking champagne and being an arsehole... was totally obnoxious, and really giving everyone the shits. We told him he was being a wanker, and he says "I'll be whatever I want, I have this..." And takes out his Black Amex... everyone laughed at him... "It's invitation only... and you're just jealous". I told him that it probably isn't even real, to more laughter. So he hands it to me and says "Here, see... it's real and it's mine..." So I had a close look.... "You're right, it is real..." and then threw it like a frisbee across the road. "You're a wanker mate, now fuck off..." Ha, ha, ha, ha.... everyone was in hysterics. The next 20 minutes we all stood around talking, laughing at him and watching him stagger around the street looking for his card.

Headed off to The Peel ... it was so packed... danced myself crazy again... staggered out of there at 4, too messy, so slept in the car for a couple of hours before the long drive back to Mum's...

It was great to catch up with Johnny... even though I saw less and less of him as the night progressed... he found himself a guy and was busy most of the time... hmmm... still great to catch up though.

Overall, night was fun - but couldn't really get into it - I do have fun, but I kind of drop in and out of mood constantly. I find it easier to just get on the dancefloor, alone, and just let go. Taking no notice of anyone else - like I am the only one on the floor... I really am trying to be happy...

Things like this...

So Wednesday, I had to pull myself together and get out of the house. Not a lot of drive, but things to do, places to go...

Dropped Ange off at work, and headed in to St Kilda Beach where I sprawled for a couple of hours, reading my book. 12o'clock, made my way to meet Gary, dude from the Middle Beach apartment. Hmm, tad scary, and really not sure how to take the whole experience... I got the impression that he placed the ad to pick up. His ad said he was 40 - but turns out he was 50... get there and offers me a beer, and proceeds to talk about sex, boys, prowess etc... all a little creepy for my liking. Where's the discussion regarding the apartment, location, facilities, the room itself...

Made my excuses and left after about an hour, headed back to Mill Park for a rest and shower.

Met mate Adam at Jam Factory on Chapel St at 7.30pm - had dinner at Jackie O's in St Kilda. Then made our way back to Commercial Road for a few drinks. Diva, then XChange. Bumped into Tan, the Uni Student from the Southbank apartment, at XChange, and he was going to The Opium Den and as I had heard about it from Dean's friend Andy, decided to go with them there. Place was tacky, trashy, dark and dirty... Loved It... :o)
Met lots of people and got hit on by more guys than I can recall happening in one night - ever. There is something both exhilarating and unnerving about being new to a scene. But it was nice to just wind down and forget about everything just for an evening. After there, went to The Peel... danced myself into the ground. Completely worn out, crawled home, and ended up spending the whole day laying on the sofa, watching movies and trying to recover...

Really missing Dean so badly. Without sounding too melodramatic, I really do feel like he has left a hole in my heart. But I have begun to realise that no matter what I want, ultimately he needs to do whatever makes him happy. If for him, not being with me is what makes him happy, then who am I to expect him to stay. Of course I want him back - I would not hesitate for a second. But... would you want someone that doesn't really want you in the first place? I keep asking myself that... why do I say I still want him, even though he doesn't want me? Sometimes things don't really have to make sense.

Things like this
Can always take a little time
I always thought
We'd be together down the line
We start to fight
And can't get over what was said
'Cause you see black and white
And I see red

I make the bed and cover
Where you used to sleep
I'm smoothing over promises
Made in these sheets
I envy lovers passing by
Out on the street
'Cause what they have
I couldn't keep

And I wonder who let in the rain
You know without you
I'm not the same
When love gets strong
People get weak
Sometimes they lose control
And wind up in too deep
They fall like rain
Who let in the rain... - Cyndi Lauper

I'm off to bed. Virtually no sleep since Sunday night - I am gonna sleep like a baby...

Discarded

That's it.

Couldn't Be Fucked Thinking Of A Title...

It's been a long day. I didn't sleep very well last night. Read my book. Couldn't concentrate. I was so focussed on keeping my mind off other crap, that it consumed me. No time to think, no time to read, no time to sleep.

Spent the night wondering what happened... the last few months seemed like a dream... or was it a nightmare... one that I woke up from, but didn't do anything about - until it was too late - and even then, I didn't do anything... I just thought it was a dream - a wonderful, exciting, beautiful dream... went for the ride, crashed to earth, and now I'm sitting here, wondering what the hell happened.

I don't even know what I am doing anymore. I have lost my way, lost my drive. Part of me is saying 'Go back to Sydney... you don't need to be here...' The other part is saying 'fuck that, you're here now... new city, new people, new experiences...' Not sure who I should listen to at this stage... but leaning more towards staying. Its true - a whole new exciting adventure ahead of me...

Fuck that... I'm not really up for adventure right now...

Oscar Wilde said: "Hearts live by being wounded."

Not sure where this is going right now... just found it Google-ing.

I am such a fool...

After a few days of being a pathetic mess, I was counting down to seeing Dean on Sunday to talk about everything. Maybe another chance...

We met at Federation Square - suitable weather for the occasion... cold, wet, windy, i.e. miserable. Over a couple of beers, we had a good long talk. You know, every couple argues. Sometimes the worst in someone comes out during those arguments, and sometimes horrible things are said. But never-the-less, it's all part of learning to be together, learning how to communicate, how to function in a relationship. Very natural.

After our talk, I felt positive. I thought, not all set, but possibly he saw my point and that we might have a chance. Then a nice walk along the Yarra, arms around each other. We sat and cuddled and kissed for a little while. I told him again how great we were together. Walked back to the car, hugged and kissed some more. Obviously something felt right here...

Spent the rest of the day on cloud 9. Although I wasn't totally confident that it would be OK... after the past couple of hours, I thought we would at least have an opportunity for another go at it... Bounced around the city, happy at home, slept well - best sleep in weeks...

How much of a fool can I be. I completely misread the whole thing. The kisses, the hugs... Blinded maybe? Stupid, stupid fool.

Today marks the start of the second week of 2007 - the 1st week was the worst start to a year in recent memory. Let's skip the first week and start it all again from today.

Happy Fucking New Year.

I guess now it's a clean break, I can move on. Well, try to.

Back to step 1, fool.

Maybe another time...

Wandered around the city for a couple of hours today. Trying to avoid Little Collins St, GPO, and anywhere in between...

Was checking out a share place at 2.30, so window shopped until then. The guy's name is Tan, Malaysian Uni Student. Apartment is a 3 bedroom at Southbank... Hot apartment, semi-hot view, not high, but enough to get great lights. Weird arse flatmate, who I believe is getting booted out once someone is ready to move in...

Was invited out tonight with Tan - he was meeting a big group of friends, and thought it would be a good way for me to meet people... maybe another time.

Karma's a bitch, huh...

I really thought that people placed more value in their relationships - to the point of actually working through issues - instead of walking away. To be honest, I don't really even know where this all came from. One stupid moment dragged on, and on, and on... like no matter what I did to try to make things right, I felt like I was kicked at every turn, shredded at every comment... I think that I was the only one that wanted it to go back to normal...

After 3 months long distance, a little turbulence probably was expected in the initial time together... the pressures of knowing each other, but not used to being around each other. The whole sudden change in the dynamic of the relationship. I thought "OK, this is going to be a little rough to start, but you know, it was worth moving all this way for it, so it's obviously worth whatever we have to get through..." Somehow I thought that we would both have this mentality. And surprisingly, I really didn't think that after 2 weeks it would be too hard - at least for one of us.

First week of this new year has been the worst I have ever had. I hope it gets better than this. Seems like since the day I made 'that' decision 5 months ago, everything has gone to shit.

Maybe it's what I needed. Someone to kick me in the guts, teach me to stop being so fucking naive. Maybe it's Karma. I left Mark for good reasons, but he was left stunned and shattered because he didn't know it was coming. That was after almost 3 years. Maybe this has happened to me as payback. Karma's a bitch, huh...

I am seeing him on Sunday. I think that since it was done over the phone, I deserve at least a face to face...

I hope that out of this, I still get to keep a few friends, or at least keep in touch with them. First people I met in Melbourne, and really so nice.

OK, Brad - pull yourself together... Step 1...

My Love...

I can see us holding hands
Walking on the beach, our toes in the sand
I can see us on the countryside
Sitting on the grass, laying side by side
You could be my baby, let me make you my baby
Boy, you amaze me
Ain't gotta do nothing crazy
See, all I want you to do is be my love ...

Sad, but true...

Save me from my suburban prison.... Give me bright lights any day...

Rather Be With You...

Sometimes I look at you
Feel like I make you blue
Wish I could make us all brand new
Wish I had some mystery left
To my personality
Then I could wink at you
and you'd laugh like you used to

I know it's hard not to
continue what we do
And remove a pattern
Like an old tattoo
I go with you
You go with me
But if we had some clarity
Well maybe we could stop ourselves
before we both get silly

Always felt strong
we belong
From the first time you stood next to me
Am I still your guy?
Cause in a crowded world
You are still the only man I see

You know I think we'll make it through
Cause if it's all the same
I'd rather be with you
We could move on if you wanted to
But if it's all the same
I'd rather be with you
-CYNDI LAUPER

Everything...

sucks. I hate my life.

Space...

I am so confused. I'm hurting, I think we both are... and I can't work out how to fix it. I honestly don't know what I am doing wrong. Maybe I am trying too hard. Maybe I really am a bastard, and I don't see it. Official break time - space can be a good thing, right? I'll wait - cos it really is worth it.