An Act of Contrition

3 weeks is a long time. 3 weeks is even longer when you think that things aren't going so well. Even though things had been resolved, there was something inside me saying that I needed to see Dean - now. Even though I had said I'm sorry over and over and over, I needed to do it face to face. I needed Dean to see how sorry I was, and how much I needed him. I was so scared that I was going to lose him, that I would have done anything to prove to him that I love him.

Finally I couldn't take it anymore... on Saturday I arranged with my friend Paul to drive to Melbourne. We could share the driving and be there by morning. Perfect. Paul's car is a 13yo Ford Festiva. I dubbed her 'Janome' - since it is more like a sewing machine than a car.

So 9pm, we headed off on our Road Trip. 4 Red Bulls and lots of music - the run was pretty good. Not very eventful, not even a hot hitch hiker.... oh well... I guess that only happens in porno's.







A few times during the night I spoke to Dean - he was out with his work colleagues having their Christmas party - and he was completely trashed... that was perfect, because he didn't question why Paul and I were driving at 3 in the morning...

About 5am, and about 100km north of Melbourne, it was time for a nap. Both of us were buggered and even though it was only 100km left... neither of us thought we could make it! So we pulled over at a truck parking area for a sleep.


Woke up about an hour later to a beautiful sunrise, fresh crisp air, and a strange desire to rip off all my clothes and run around in a paddock... can't really explain why, but it was just an urge. I didn't actually do it - maybe next time.




Arrived in Melbourne at 7.30. Way too early to be showing up at Dean's place. Knowing he crawled home at 3.30, it was better to leave him sleep for a little longer... So I took Paul to Brunswick St for a nice breakfast in a little Greek bakery (Can't remember what it was called!)
After that, we drove into the city and parked while I go on a hunt for some flowers.

Found a Florist where I bought a huge bunch of Oriental Lillies. So here's the plan...

* Drive to Dean's at 10am - that gave him 6 hours of sleep (enough I think!)
* Go to his front door, then call him : it would go something like this....
"Hi Baby, did the delivery come this morning?"
"What delivery?"
"Oh, I had something delivered for you this morning... I told them if no one answers, just leave it at the front door."
Then he would stagger downstairs to the door, open it and I would be standing there...

Well... I called... and called... and called... The little bugger had his phone on silent!

About 10.30 I had a moment. Whenever Dean is out with everyone, and they get trashed, Imma ALWAYS crashes at Deans house, and usually in his bed. I also thought that since Imma is Deans 2IC, if Dean isn't working, then there is a good chance Imma will be. So I sent Imma a message : "Hey Lady, I hope you are working today, and you are at Deans??... I am downstairs, so if you are there can you let me in?"

Next thing, Imma is letting me inside - totally dumbstruck. Not sure whether it was because she was half asleep, or whether it was the shock of me there...

So I snuck up to Deans room, he was sound asleep. I crept in, sat next to him on the bed and stroked his shoulder. I could already feel the emotion building. I was tired, and was scared, I just wanted everything to be OK.

He slowly rolled over and opened his eyes - I was looking down at him, a bit teary, but smiling. He looked up at me and... literally crapped himself. Ha ha ha. I will never forget that look - like he had seen a ghost. Then he just sat there with a quizzical look on his face, "What... what... aah... ummm... what... what...". I kissed him, and held him. I started crying. I just felt so relieved that I was there. I needed to say sorry to his face. I did that and I felt relieved.

We spent the day just hanging out, Dean, Paul, Andy and myself. We went out for Yum Cha, then wandered around the shops for a bit. Dean needed to find a vase for the flowers. Then we headed off to OutDVD in St Kilda to see if we could get Season 1 of Drawn Together - a weird ass animated series about cartoon characters in a reality TV show... no luck, out of stock. We stopped in at the Belgian Beer Garden for a couple of Stellas - nice place. Could become my favourite Summer hang out.

In the late afternoon Dean, Pauly and I went out to my mum's place. We decided to crash out there since it will be easier for us to leave from there in the morning. So had dinner, a few beers, and then it was off to bed early.

Morning came, and we said our goodbyes... the last goodbye, since the next time I see Dean, I will be moving to Melbourne. Yay!

The drive back was better than the drive down.
I guess because we could actually look at stuff along the way. Instead of just being dark the whole time.

It was hot and sunny - Janome has no aircon, but that was fine cos it meant the drive was done sans shirt and windows down. Noice....


Thanks Pauly for the use of Janome and also for coming with me to share the driving... couldn't have done it without you. xxx

All in all.... an exhausting and emotional trip for me - but something I really needed to do. I think it made everything perfect again.