Things like this...

So Wednesday, I had to pull myself together and get out of the house. Not a lot of drive, but things to do, places to go...

Dropped Ange off at work, and headed in to St Kilda Beach where I sprawled for a couple of hours, reading my book. 12o'clock, made my way to meet Gary, dude from the Middle Beach apartment. Hmm, tad scary, and really not sure how to take the whole experience... I got the impression that he placed the ad to pick up. His ad said he was 40 - but turns out he was 50... get there and offers me a beer, and proceeds to talk about sex, boys, prowess etc... all a little creepy for my liking. Where's the discussion regarding the apartment, location, facilities, the room itself...

Made my excuses and left after about an hour, headed back to Mill Park for a rest and shower.

Met mate Adam at Jam Factory on Chapel St at 7.30pm - had dinner at Jackie O's in St Kilda. Then made our way back to Commercial Road for a few drinks. Diva, then XChange. Bumped into Tan, the Uni Student from the Southbank apartment, at XChange, and he was going to The Opium Den and as I had heard about it from Dean's friend Andy, decided to go with them there. Place was tacky, trashy, dark and dirty... Loved It... :o)
Met lots of people and got hit on by more guys than I can recall happening in one night - ever. There is something both exhilarating and unnerving about being new to a scene. But it was nice to just wind down and forget about everything just for an evening. After there, went to The Peel... danced myself into the ground. Completely worn out, crawled home, and ended up spending the whole day laying on the sofa, watching movies and trying to recover...

Really missing Dean so badly. Without sounding too melodramatic, I really do feel like he has left a hole in my heart. But I have begun to realise that no matter what I want, ultimately he needs to do whatever makes him happy. If for him, not being with me is what makes him happy, then who am I to expect him to stay. Of course I want him back - I would not hesitate for a second. But... would you want someone that doesn't really want you in the first place? I keep asking myself that... why do I say I still want him, even though he doesn't want me? Sometimes things don't really have to make sense.

Things like this
Can always take a little time
I always thought
We'd be together down the line
We start to fight
And can't get over what was said
'Cause you see black and white
And I see red

I make the bed and cover
Where you used to sleep
I'm smoothing over promises
Made in these sheets
I envy lovers passing by
Out on the street
'Cause what they have
I couldn't keep

And I wonder who let in the rain
You know without you
I'm not the same
When love gets strong
People get weak
Sometimes they lose control
And wind up in too deep
They fall like rain
Who let in the rain... - Cyndi Lauper

I'm off to bed. Virtually no sleep since Sunday night - I am gonna sleep like a baby...