To Dean / To Andy

My Darling Dean,

I really don't know where to start. Firstly, I am so deeply sorry. I am sorry that we fought. I am sorry for everything that was said. I am sorry that we are not together today, Christmas Day. I am sorry that there is even a chance that we may never be together again. I hope that isn't the case, I truly do.

I feel so empty without you - especially today, what was going to be our first Christmas together. I spent last night awake, wishing I was holding you, feeling your warmth against me and listening to your breathing and heart beat - and this morning, waking up alone and not being able to hold you...

I wanted to be with you to see your face when you opened your gifts - I wanted that time to share with you so badly, that I cried through our family presents this morning.

I feel so alone right now, and I have realised how much I need you, how much I miss you, and how much it hurts to think that I might have lost you.

Arguments are a normal part of every relationship - especially in the first year - as they help us to learn about the other person, and help us understand how to be more patient and how to compromise when it's needed.

Horrible things are said by both people - the purpose : to hurt. It's always what makes it worse, and makes things so much harder to resolve.

Afterwards, it takes is love, understanding, the ability to talk about it - and most importantly, the ability to forgive each other.

I don't just love you, Dean - I am in love with you and I need you - I think we are great together, and I don't want it all lost over this.

We always have such an amazing time together. Always fun, always interesting, always perfect. You make me so happy. You make me feel so good about myself.

I really hope you have a wonderful day today with your family and friends. I also hope we will get a chance to talk, and make everything good again.

Please forgive me.

Call me soon...
.......................................................................

Andy,

You are such a great friend to Dean, and I am sorry that me being here has upset that. I sometimes feel under so much pressure to get along with everyone, to impress everyone, and to feel that I am 'approved'. But at the same time I find it difficult adapting to my new life, new surroundings, new people - and doing this while I try to develop a new relationship.

If you will give me the opportunity, I want to sit down with you and talk - get to know you and understand you better.

You do so much for everyone - including me - so selflessly, for which I admire. You really are a great friend to everyone. You took me into the fold so quickly and so readily and along with all of Dean's friends, I have felt so welcome.

I need to be honest... I do find you intense at times, which I believe is probably the root of my lack of patience with you. I want to learn to be more patient with you, I just need some time to adjust and get to know you.

I apologise for anything I have said or done to upset you.

I hope we can be friends.