Never mind...

One and a half years ago, I made the biggest mistake of my life. I had everything anyone could ever wish for in life. I had a beautiful partner. I had a beautiful home - which we built together. We created a family. I had a great job. I had everything. Everything I ever wanted. I threw it away. What the fuck... So here I am, 18 months later, full of regrets. I've caused some ELE moments in my lifetime... but none have left me feeling so empty for so long afterwards. I threw away what i know was/is the true love of my life. Is it times where you sit alone at home, and think... and realise these things?> Well not that I have just realised.... its just that it has come up again.... you can put things to the back of your mind all the time... we all do it, and its part of what we need to do to continue to function normally.... but every now and then, it slips out. No one will read this, but i need to say it anyway. I made the biggest mistake of my life, and I can never forgive myself for it. I lost everything that made my life so perfect. Brad - You might be a success in the career arena, but you are a monumental fuckup. Tell me: Where is your beautiful home? Where are you two unconditionally loving dogs? And where is your lover, who was always there for you. What happened. What did you do. Is it possible to hate yourself as much as I do? Its possible. my head is full of torment. It fades during my normal day to day... but any opportunity that I am alone, it comes back. Does this not tell me that I am destined to remain fucked in the head? As Buddha tells me, I am in Samsara. This is my time of suffering. I hope that I can work above this, because I'm getting tired.

Water's Edge...

Oh, I wish you could wrap yourself around me
I am gripped by a loneliness
Oh, I wish you could wrap yourself around me
I'd be released in your tenderness...

Cyndi & Gaga

Cyndi, Gaga, and M.A.C. Cosmetics? Check this out! Cyndi will have her own lippie colour launched in March, along with Lady Gaga. It's part of the ongoing annual AIDS fundraising done by the cosmetics giant. Even though I don't wear lippie, I will be picking up Cyndi's colour just to add to my memorabilia collection! Yay!!

Happy New Year!

Or as I am referring to it today... Happy Couch & KFC Day!

It's miserable here in Melbourne... Drizzly and grey... And I'm hung over... So perfect for laying on the couch, eating bad food and sleeping the day away...

Act bad, don't hurt me, look sexy, talk dirty

Don't you just love getting out CDs that evoke 'pivotal life moment' moments?

Sometimes good, sometimes bad, but always important. I'm on the car, heading to a nieces 5th birthday party. John is driving, I'm downing a cider :) found CDs from mid 2006...

Janet, Kelis, beyonce, nelly, Justin... Agh, the memories.... :) like I said good & bad, but part of what makes me who I am right now.

Bored...

and drunk...

so i have a day off today...   i have been out and about all day (until now...)   and so got home at 3 and thought... "what can i do now..."  oh, i have a bottle of voddy and some soda water, and some limes...   well...  hello!   anyways, so that me today, sitting here a bit spastic...  thats it.  :o)

3 more sleeps!

This time Friday, I will be heading to the airport! 4 weeks in Cambodia, Vietnam, and the Philippines! Yay!